Every Mile Matters: Triumph Over Cancer with Dr. Jeffrey Reynolds - Episode 125

In this incredibly powerful and moving episode of the Caregiver Relief Podcast, host Diane Carbo sits down with Dr. Jeffrey Reynolds, a social entrepreneur, Ironman triathlete, and two-time cancer survivor. Dr. Reynolds shares the profound story behind his new memoir, Every Mile Matters: How Triathlon Trained Me for Triumph Over Cancer.

From the shock of receiving two different cancer diagnoses in two years (prostate and colorectal) to applying the mental grit of an endurance athlete to his treatment, this conversation is a masterclass in resilience, hope, and the power of the human spirit. Dr. Reynolds' journey teaches us how to find strength in our darkest moments and why every single day is a gift. 🎁

Ready for a dose of pure inspiration? You don't want to miss this

What You'll Discover in This Episode:

This conversation is packed with wisdom and raw honesty. Here’s a peek at what you'll learn:

• From Helper to Patient: Dr. Reynolds shares his experience of spending 35 years in the helping profession, only to suddenly find himself on the receiving end of care and the profound lessons he learned about trust and vulnerability.
• A Midlife Crisis Triathlon: Hear the hilarious and inspiring story of how a 2:00 AM decision at a conference led him to the starting line of a 5K, and eventually, the finish line of a full Ironman triathlon.
• The Unthinkable Diagnosis: Dr. Reynolds recounts the moment he was diagnosed with "clinically significant prostate cancer" on April Fool's Day, followed by a second diagnosis of stage 3B colorectal cancer, all while having zero symptoms.
• Training for Treatment: He draws powerful parallels between the discipline of training for a race and the grueling cycles of chemotherapy and radiation, explaining how an athlete's mindset—"you just keep going"—helped him endure treatment.
• The Power of Raw Honesty: Learn why Dr. Reynolds chose to be unfiltered about his journey, aiming to destigmatize embarrassing cancers and encourage men to take their health seriously.
• Redefining Success: He discusses the emotional shift from chasing personal records in marathons to celebrating the victory of a clear scan, and the "scanxiety" that comes every three months.
• A Message of Hope & Gratitude: Dr. Reynolds shares beautiful insights on human connection, learning to accept help, and the importance of doing the things you've always wanted to do now.

Memorable Quotes from Dr. Reynolds:

"I did Iron Man Florida with cancer. I can do cancer without doing an Ironman. And so I do hard things. I can do this."

"Worrying isn't going to change the outcome, if anything. Worrying isn't that great for your health, right? It takes stress, right? Put stress on your body. And so you know that scanxiety is very real."

"All those things that you said you'd get to someday—do 'em, because you never know."

"Never say to somebody, 'Call me if you need anything.' We will never call. I promise you. I know you'd like to help, then just do it."

Connect with Our Guest

This episode will leave you feeling stronger and more grateful. Be sure to support Dr. Reynolds by checking out his work:

• Read the Book: Find Every Mile Matters on Amazon,Barnes and Noble, and wherever books are sold.
• Visit His Website: EveryMileMatters.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DO-Ivtajbx-/

Thank you for tuning in, and remember to be gentle with yourself. You are worth it! ❤️

Podcast Episode Transcript

Diane: Welcome to the Caregiver Relief Podcast. I'm your host, Diane Carbo, a registered nurse and caregiver advocate.

Diane: Today I am honored to introduce Dr. Jeffrey Reynolds, a social entrepreneur thought leader. Iron Man, triathlete, and two time cancer survivor. His new book, every Mile Matters. How Triathlon Trained Me for Triumph Over Cancer is a powerful memoir about resilience, hope, and finding strength in life's hardest battles.

From crossing the Iron Man finish line to facing down prostate and colorectal cancer, Dr. Reynolds shares how endurance training shaped his approach to treatment and how we can all find meeting purpose and triumph in the races we never signed up for. Thank you for joining me today, Dr. Reynolds. I'm very excited, to share your inspirational story to my listeners.

Jeffrey: Thank you, Diane. It's a pleasure to, be here and I'm looking forward to a great conversation. I know you have some experience in this space,yeah, looking forward to a really stimulating and exciting conversation.

Diane: I am too. And now you've worn many hats, not pro non-for-profit leader.

You're an endurance athlete, you're an author. How do you see those roles connecting in your life's mission?

Jeffrey: Diane, that's a great question. And as I went through each chapter of this, I tried to, not the book, but of each chapter of life, I tried to put it all together and, one of the most amazing things for me, and given the theme of your podcast, you'll get this, was I've spent 35 years in the helping profession.

I, I've always run not-for-profit organizations. Worked in domestic violence and sex crimes. I worked in HIV for 19 years. I've been in, in addiction and mental health. For at least the past 20 years or so. maybe a little bit less than that 'cause I don't wanna date myself. and honestly up until now I was the guy that had all the answers.

If you're teenager overdosed at 3:00 AM I'm the guy you call If your marriage implodes, at 7:00 PM I'm often the guy you call if you're unsure about housing and that kind of thing. I was always the guy that had all the answers. I was the helper. And suddenly, literally overnight, I'm the guy on the receiving end of that.

Letting go of all that control, putting all of that trust in others and saying, look, I need help. one of the things you realize with the cancer diagnosis is that. Dr. Google only goes so far in terms of answering your questions and supporting you exactly through the diagnosis.

And and I will say some of it was, some of it was hard to accept, and I think through this process I came to appreciate even more Secret bond and trust that happens between the helper and the helpee, and that invariably, it's almost always reciprocal in nature, whatever, regardless of what label you happen to be wearing at the time, but it involves a sense of connection and trust that.

A social media age, I think is just pretty absent these days. Yeah. And so I, I probably did it kicking and screaming, but I tried to embrace it. I tried to play that role reversal in a way that makes sense. And I said to myself, look, thousands of people have put their trust in me for many years, and in doing so, gave me that privilege of walking beside them.

The least I could do is pass that along now. And I like to think that I was a pretty good patient. I also like to think. That, my payback for people being willing to trust me with their stories was that I shared them openly, not only with my healthcare providers, but also in this book, so that the rest of the world could get some insights into what it's like to walk this road.

Diane: I love that perspective because as a nurse, being in a caring profession, we're notoriously bad patients and it's hard to change roles and it's a true personal growth experience and it's also one of, trust. So I really appreciate your perspective because seniors as they age also have that issue.

They don't want to give up their independence and seem weak or vulnerable in any way. Yes. So you were a triathlete. what drew you to triathlons and what did you learn about yourself through those grueling races?

Jeffrey: Yeah, so I'll just be straight up. It was a midlife crisis,I was faced with a choice as I hit midlife.

It was either go buy skinny jeans, dye my hair and cruise the local community college or,buy an expensive bike, throw some spandex on and do things that nobody at my age should be doing. And so I chose the lesser of two evils. it all started at a, at a professional conference in Tampa, Florida.

We are out at night doing what people do at professional conferences at 2:00 AM in bars. somebody you know, says half jokingly, Hey, there's a 5K in the morning, you wanna do it? sure. What could go wrong with that? It's in three. oh Lord. Go. So I show up at the start line of that particular 5K, I'm mid forties at this point, and, take off, like crazy out of the gate, and then find myself walking within 35 seconds.

Coughing, whatever else. So I turn in a time of 36 minutes and in the week of that, I do what anybody else would do. I go back to my hotel room and start registering for other five Ks like a madman, looking for some sort of redemption. And, given my personality, I started to do five Ks.

In fact, I went back to that conference two years later and actually won the 5K. But very quickly, five Ks weren't enough. 10 Ks weren't enough. Half marathons. I did 15 marathons. And then I said, I'm pretty mediocre at one sport. Maybe I could actually suck at three sports. And so I took up swimming, biking, and running.

went and took swimming lessons, that kind of thing. And and there too, the distances just added up until in 2021. It became a goal to do, to do an Ironman. and for, your listeners who may not be familiar, the Ironman is more than a superhero. it's a, it's an endurance race that involves a 2.4 mile open water swim.

mine was in the Gulf of Mexico. A 112 mile bike ride followed by a full 26.2 mile marathon. if you don't complete all that in under 17 hours, you are disqualified and it doesn't count. and I finished it in 15 hours and nine minutes, and was quite frankly, feeling at my very best. I was on top of the world.

I set out a goal at the beginning of that year. The race was in November. And, I went out and did it. I suppose part of. Triathlon for me was, the introspection and the ability and willingness to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. yeah, the triathlon is pretty uncomfortable at points.

There are some very dark moments,in long races, and they happen during marathons, usually at about mile 18, usually 18 to 22. Is a really ugly place that we call the wall. Yes. once you're through that wall, you could envision the finish line enough to get through, but in triathlon, there's the fear of the open water.

There's worries that something will happen on the bike. You're worried about a bike crash, and by the time you get to the run, you're just really worried about finishing. But in all those races, the struggle is your mind is telling you, you actually don't have to do this. This is silly.

Your legs are saying. Just stop. Just stop. You don't have to keep going, right? you all getting the same medal at the end, all you're gonna get is a free banana and a t-shirt, that kind of thing. And so everything in you tells you to stop. But you just keep going. and as my story is such that I was diagnosed with prostate cancer that following April.

April Fool's day of all days, April 1st, oh, I get a notification to log into my healthcare portal. I log in, scroll through pages of medical jargon that I don't understand, and then there's the punchline, clinically significant prostate cancer likely. And my cancer journey didn't start that day.

I went in for a routine physical, I had zero symptoms whatsoever. Doctor says your PSA is a little bit elevated, not too bad, but it is twice what it was last time around, so we should get this checked out. And then, I got spun into this entire world and you referenced the race I never signed up for, aside from cycling through all those stages of grief, probably in an hour that people go through, one of the things that occurred to me as I'm processing this is, so I did Iron Man Florida with cancer.

I can do cancer without doing an Ironman. And so I do hard things. I can do this. Yeah, it's gonna be uncomfortable. Yes, it's gonna be lousy. but I can do this. And so for me, Ironman was a test and then it became the testament to what I could do, what was possible. And so

Diane: an emotionally prepared you for your cancer diagnosis.

Jeffrey: It did. It did. And back to,

Diane: yes,

Jeffrey: back to the patient kind of thing. my, my physical fitness and my emotional wellbeing, generally speaking, if you took a poll, people might vary on that. But, that gave me the ability to enroll in a clinical trial. So my doctor said to me, there's something called the Janus trial.

it's a little bit of a different regimen. It's a higher dose of chemo. It's three chemo drugs instead of two. and they were like, look, you're in good enough shape to be able to do this if you want to join a clinical trial. And my response was, yeah, I want the best possible shot. and this is for the colorectal cancer, not for prostate cancer.

and so I wanted the best possible shot, but it also leveled the playing field.

Diane: Yes. And

Jeffrey: people said to me,aren't you an Iron Man? Like, how did you get cancer twice? Yeah.

Diane: that's just what I wanted to ask you. How can you share the moment when you learned, you not had one, but two diagnosis, cancer diagnosis in a short time?

How did you process that?

Jeffrey: Yeah, so here's the takeaway. health and fitness are two really different things. You can be fit as, could be, and still wind up with a serious illness. So I go through prostate cancer, I get the diagnosis, I have the surgery. I walked 1.8 miles around the nursing station an hour after my surgery.

and so I'm surprised nobody ordered a psych eval as opposed to anything else. and so I did that. I went on, I ran the New York City Marathon that November. I'm like, I am back. it's like this was a bump in a road. I'm good. and was feeling great, and by then I'd become an evangelist for cancer awareness, routine detection, that kind of thing.

I did a public service announcement for the National Prostate Cancer Foundation because I didn't, I broke the mold of who gets prostate cancer, and so I did the PSA about the importance of routine screenings, and so I took my own advice and I'm like, so I should get a colonoscopy. It's time, it's yucky, it's embarrassing, it's inconvenience, all those things, but I should go do it again.

Zero symptoms, zero problems. I wake up from the colonoscopy, the doctor comes to me and says, look, I took some polyps out, which is standard fare kind of stuff. And he is but I gotta tell you, I also found a significant mass. I'm like, okay, like how significant? And he's it's very significant.

You need to get a surgical referral on the way out.

Diane: Oh no. And I'm

Jeffrey: like, are you kidding me? two cancers in two years. And this one is more, again, proved to be more serious, but certainly felt a lot more serious. It would stage three B colorectal cancer.

Diane: Wow.

Jeffrey: prostate cancer, I got a lot of assurances that most men will develop it before their time is up and you die with it, as opposed to from it in many cases.

Exactly. I looked up my odds of survival when I was diagnosed and I'm like, all right, so I'm good. I'm gonna be okay. Did the same thing with colorectal cancer and it wasn't exactly the same kind of mindset or outcomes or that kind of thing. yeah,it was, I was like, geez, and I'm not necessarily prayerful.

In fact, there's a whole chapter in the book about spirituality. But there's a part of me that's what didn't I learn the first time that I need to learn the second time? And I am keenly aware of the three strikes in your out rule. And I went through after, After kind of getting back to running and that kind of thing, I went through treatment for the colorectal cancer.

It was, 27, days of radiation, 27 days of xlo to chemo pills, nine pills a day, a short treatment break, and then eight biweekly infusion sessions. and by the time we took that treatment break after the, oral chemo and the radiation. The tumor was gone. No evidence of disease. wow. And so we still finished the chemo.

My I oncologist said to me, we were six treatments in, and he said, look, I've gotta balance, The completeness of the response versus the side effects. And you're telling me the neuropathy is getting bad, your blood counts are dropping. I don't wanna put you into the hospital. maybe it's now when we pull the plug and he's but I know you're not gonna do that.

I said, there is zero chance that I'm gonna do that. And if I have to go buy, for foreign anox on the street, then I'm gonna go do that. because we are finishing this thing.

Diane: Yeah. That's a hot drug to buy, let me tell you.

Jeffrey: so that's what we did. And, I, and you'll appreciate this, I found it interesting, the cautious way that doctors talk about this and nurses talk about this.

It's no longer, you're in remission. It's, we don't see any evidence of disease, Like right now. And I appreciate that caution, but, in some ways it's a misnomer because cancer and the treatment leave behind plenty of evidence, right? the evidence of chemo is the neuropathy and some of the lingering side effects, I think the.

the lingering evidence of cancer and surviving it is, I just, I have more gratitude. I have more awareness. I was able to think through a lot of things in my life. I was at the age where I should have been thinking about, what my legacy had been versus what I wanted it to be. you have that shift midlife, and I don't think I had resolved a lot of those issues.

And cancer forces you to address them really quickly.

Diane: Yes, it does. Absolutely. Now, in your book, every Mile Matters, you describe applying athletic discipline to treatment. What parallels do you see between training cycles and chemotherapy and radiation cycles?

Jeffrey: Yeah,one, the. Kind of occasion of the conversation I just recounted for you.

the notion of, keep going, is something that I thought of just on a regular basis. And chemo, the effects of chemo are really cumulative. I'm happy to say I didn't have long-term effects of radiation and of short-term effects of radiation. and as, as quickly as I say that, I do say there are cancer survivors out there who believe that.

if you weren't on chemo, then your experience isn't as real as anyone else's. Let me just say regardless. Oh no path looks your experience is as valid as mine and as valued as the next guy. And I'll say that upfront. there were mornings when I would wake up and have morning sickness because of the chemo.

Diane: Yes.

Jeffrey: And throw up and say, maybe I should stay home today. By the way, I didn't take five minutes off of work, and that's probably a whole nother show. but, but I didn't, and honestly, one of the things I harken back to is I you throw up during races. it happens. I, I've thrown up during the swim, during triathlons 'cause you've taken so much salt water and your heart's pumping.

And so you throw up, you brush your face off and you keep going. I've thrown up during marathons. You brush your face off and you keep going. Get a drink of water, keep going. You're fine. And that kind of. Endurance and the mindset of you put one foot in front of the other, you keep going. Yeah.

Your legs hurt. Now they won't hurt at the end of it, it's gonna be, it's gonna be fine. And then also in doing races, I'm like, so this sucks and this hurts, but it's not the end of the world. I'm not going to die from it. Just sit in it. find a way to, to get through. And so that, Notion of you just keep going. Really helped me through treatment and also taking treatment one step at a time. When I started chemo and radiation, I'm like, oh my God, 27 more days of this. it's what you just plot out the days one at a time. Yeah. You just keep going. If you wake up. In a good place, similar to if you have a good mile and a marathon, you're grateful for that good day, right?

I don't feel sick. I'm good. I also, I learned a lot of gratitude from folks in the infusion rooms and in waiting rooms. When you go to radiation and you go at the same time every day. you see the same people and there was a guy who, who I saw him for a long time, so I'm like, he must be like almost at the tail end too.

And he is are you taking the oral chemo pills? And I said, yeah. He is like, how you doing with it? I'm like, it's starting to catch up with me, but it's okay. He said, me too. And yesterday I stopped taking them and I said, We, I've been seeing you for weeks, aren't you?

Almost done? And he said, yeah, but it's just not worth it. He's my best case scenario is I have six weeks to live. My worst case scenario is four weeks, and I'm just not willing to go through this anymore. And I'm able to put the professional hat on and say, you should really talk to your doctor and your care team and that kind of thing.

There was a part of me that was like, there's people sitting next to me that don't have as good as I do. I, because I was in a clinical trial, they said, all right, you'll come every day for radiation at two 30 in the afternoon. I said, no, I, I wanna come at seven 'cause I wanna be in the office at seven 30.

And so they needed me as much as I needed them. And so they're like, okay. And I, went to my radiation appointment, then I'm in my, I'm in my, heated car in the middle of winter. I am. In my office, which is very nice. Then I'm home relaxing. There are people that don't have the same luxuries or access or things that I do.

And in the book I write about a woman I encountered who took two buses to get to her radiation and chemo appointments and, hoped her son would actually come and pick her up and, those types of things. They underscore the disparities and detection and access to care and access to clinical trials, but they also teach you a whole heck of a lot of gratitude.

Diane: and the thing is, we don't know if your gentleman, I've come across this many times where people just are tired, they're worn out. They have been through this maybe several times. Yeah. And their spirit and it's just your body shutting down and it's not him giving up as much as he's just giving into, the, and accepting that death is.

is in his future. And that's when I encourage, I, you won't hear this from ho cancer in cancer centers, but I really encourage people to be put on hospice when they're ready for that because it really gives them the ability to, be in charge of their life until the very end. And people, it can, I actually got fired from a cancer treatment center because I.

Talked about hospice because it screws up their numbers. but I just really believe, if a person's tired and worn out, but, you give such hope and I've, I, I love your attitude. Now, you said cancer forced you to write this book. How did Facing Mortality change what you prioritize in life?

Jeffrey: Yeah, I think, little things that used to turn into big things. No longer do it contextualizes things differently. I've often said, if you are worried about your health, then nothing else matters. But it does. if you're worried about your mental health, then even your physical health doesn't matter and the notion that you need to be in the right head space, regardless of the clinical outcome, I think is really important.

There were also like just a lot of things that I struggled with. So in the book, there's a chapter about. How cancer changes you spiritually? I go through the physical changes, the emotional changes, some of the social changes in terms of friendships, but also spiritually. It was the hardest chapter in the world to write.

I can write very fast, and so the beginning came easy for me. The end came easily for me. This middle chapter though, of spirituality was really difficult, and one of the things that prompted me to write it is that. I had folks who were very faith centered and faith-based, who would say to me, I'm praying for you every day.

Diane: Yes,

Jeffrey: I would look at them and not say it out loud, but think to myself, oh my God, I'm not even praying for myself. Like, all these people are praying for me and I'm not even praying for myself. maybe like a hurried, please let this test go. Okay. On the way out the door, Uhhuh, but, no notion of prayerfulness and When I said, so this changes you spiritually 'cause you start thinking about things that you hadn't thought about. Not that you hadn't thought about them, but you have to resolve them. And so the notion of what happens after this life becomes real. we all toy with the ideas, but then you know, we get caught up and we put it aside and we never fully resolve those questions.

Now you have to start to fully resolve them. Yes. the conversation goes from what do I want my legacy to be, to potentially, what has it been? Every funeral I went to was like a dress rehearsal for my own. I'm like, the decor in this funeral home is terrible. Make sure I'm not weak here. If that's, and that's a terrible reading.

I hope nobody picks that reading from me. I started noticing, so who comes and who doesn't, who's there? It's clearly just like a social thing and you start thinking these things through.

Diane: Yes.

Jeffrey: and it was the hardest chapter to write. It took me probably six weeks to, to write this chapter, which is exceedingly long.

'cause it's not a very long chapter, but it's because I had things that I needed to work out before I could share them with the world. Yes. as I went along, this spiritual journey, and it wasn't like a rebirth or anything like that, it was really just resolving some of those really difficult questions.

And as I got hung up on the chapter, I'm like, you know what? Nobody knows I was supposed to have this chapter. I could just leave it out. And then I'm like, that would be like skipping over mile 18 of the marathon and saying, you did a marathon. You didn't do a marathon. If you skipped the hard part, you have to do this.

And if you hope to educate the world and hope to get people thinking who might be in this situation or caregiving for somebody in this situation, then you need to tough this out. You need to figure it out. And if it's. Incomplete at the end of it, then it's incomplete, but you've done it and you've shared where you are at this particular point in time.

And so for me, that reinforced the importance of doing this. I also look there, there are people who, and in my life since I've been diagnosed, we all have this little club of survivors and warriors. And some of those people haven't made it, they haven't had the same outcome that I did.

Yeah. And I want to be respectful of that, but also share. Hope. Hope in early detection. Hope in terms of access to good care. I want people to be mobilized. I'm alive because of research and because of clinical advances. When I see an assault on that research funding, an assault on clinical advances, I feel an obligation to speak up and to help the next guy who will be diagnosed today.

Right. 2 million people a year. Hear the words you have, cancer and their lives are gonna be changed forever. I want them to say, have the same opportunities that I have, whether they're on Medicaid, whether they're privately insured, whether they're accessing Obamacare. And so when I see some of those things in question, when I see some of 'em threatened, I feel a need to speak up and say, everybody should have the same chance that I got.

Diane: Unfortunately, since Obamacare, it, it's brought our healthcare to our knees. I was once very proud because people would go to teaching hospitals that on Medicaid, and they got the absolute best possible care because the private insurances helped. Keep the hospitals running. Yeah. And of course when they got discharged, they received no care.

it's just awful. Medicaid is not sustainable and it's not, nobody wants to take Medicaid. Now. Medicare and Obamacare are, have been reimbursements so low. That they deny care so much, and it's breaking my heart because unless you can privately pay for good healthcare, you're not going to get it in this country right now.

And it's gotta change. I don't know what's gonna change, but I've just seen it deteriorate. Oh, in my 54 years of nursing, yeah. now you chose to include unfiltered, raw details about your journey, from medical procedures to marathon struggles. Why was honesty so important to you?

Jeffrey: Yeah, so so the way I looked at it, I, yeah. for men at least. these are two of the most embarrassing cancers that you could get. they involve your nether regions. women have made incredible strides around breast cancer and de-stigmatized and, made acceptable to talk about breast health.

men haven't done the same thing when it comes to prostate health, and we certainly haven't done the same thing when it comes to things like colorectal cancer. And so I got two pretty embarrassing cancers. and so I wanted to talk about that. I also wanted to just destigmatize men getting prostate exams.

I'll never forget when I got a new GP 10 years ago. I went to him. First thing he said to me is. Don't worry, there's no finger test. And I'm like, oh my God, thank you. That is so awesome. It is so great. And I'm like, so I, and I recommended this guy to all my friends. I'm like. You don't get a finger on your butt, you should go to this guy.

Diane: Yeah. Nope.

Jeffrey: And so he relied on the PSA test. Of course. Then you have

Diane: yeah, of course, yes.

Jeffrey: Kind of thing. So he relied on the PSA test, and so men tend not to get checked out. They tend not to talk about these things. when they have symptoms, they talk 'em up to something else, and. Same thing goes for, colonoscopies.

I've had friends of mine who like are above the age of 45 or 50 and will say, ah, I've just been putting off the colonoscopy. It's yucky, it's inconvenient. And I'm like, you wanna talk about yucky and inconvenient? Come and take a walk with me for a little while, Uhhuh. Find out a little bit about what my exam schedule looks like.

I had 88 medical appointments and in eight months, I get MRIs and CAT scans and the MRI, which is pretty intrusive. Every three months I get a Flex Sig every three months. And you wanna talk about inconvenient and yucky, come walk beside me. And so part of this I think is just is raising the awareness. The other thing is just men tend not to talk about health issues generally. I included a lot of data in the book about how men deal with prostate cancer and their communication styles with their. partners or spouses and even their friends.

and in the book I wrote about how my friendships with my male friends change pretty dramatically and I'm, look, I'm a pretty progress progressive guy. I've worked for, what you would sometimes say are left leaning organizations, although I'm pretty conservative on a lot of ways. And, one of the things that happened during this entire thing, especially with the colorectal cancer, is my male friends would say to me, we'd wrap up lunch or something and they would say, I love you.

and not the drunk backslapping love you man, kind of thing, right? and the first couple times it happened, I didn't know what to say and so I didn't say anything. I'm like, okay, cool. See you soon buddy. Kind of thing. and I really, I really struggled with that. My first thought, honestly was so they must think I'm gonna die.

Because this is, this was our last lunch kind of thing. You think out because I feel okay. I'm doing okay. I think I look okay. and so that was my first struggle. The second thing was, all right, so why does this freak me out so much? God knows I've said I love you to thousands of women and probably didn't even mean it right across my lifetime.

And so why is this such a thing? and really. it forced me to rethink my relationships with my male friends, what male intimacy looks like, what friendship looks like,and being able to get together with a guy friend and not talk about sports or some bs but actually have conversations about how we raise our kids, what we want outta life, how we feel value at our jobs, the contribution we're making, things like that.

I had one friend and this kind of gets to I think the, one of the central, themes of your show. I had one friend and he's a social worker and said to me, if you ever want me to bring you to, to chemo and sit with you, I'm happy to do that, though. I know you'll never take me up on it.

And I didn't. and I regret that a little bit now. Yes. While I've done other things with him, I regret that a little bit now, because one of the things that's clear is that when people wanna help, it's as much for them as it is for you, right? Yeah. I don't really need the help. 100%. This was about him having some agency, having some involvement.

Connecting in a way through this experience that we had never connected before. And because I didn't invite him to be part of that process, it was like, here I was with my process and he was sitting across the table from me at lunch, right? And it's forced me to think about how I connect with other men, how I connect with friends.

I, it's interesting because I was very open about both diagnoses after my family and my kids knew. Then I put it out there. I blogged about it, I talked about it. I did media interviews, that kind of thing. Yet it was a struggle to let people in beyond the surface and beyond the lecturing, you should go get checked kind of thing.

Diane: Yes. Yeah. And so

Jeffrey: I learned a lot in the process and that's one of the ways that it changed my relationships. But sometimes when people offer to help, it's as much for them as it is for you and finding a way to, to let down your guard and let them in. Absolutely. To bring relationships closer.

Diane: and I encourage not just people that are ill because it is an issue, but also, my family caregivers, they don't wanna ask for help.

They see that as weakness or, a failure, and it's absolutely not. I'm, when you're saying this, I'm thinking of my, both my sons were in the military and the relationships they have because of what they went through in their training and stuff, has they, they relate to men differently than maybe other Guys would, because of the challenges that they faced. But now you've shifted from changing personal records to celebrating clear scans. Yeah. What does that teach us about redefining success?

Jeffrey: Yeah, look,I was never gonna win any race that I entered. I would do really well, but I was never gonna be like, it's the 21-year-old kids that win all the races and that kind of thing, and the people that don't have to work and can train, train, and have some natural gifts, of which I don't.

and so this was a way for me to keep fit and that kind of thing. And we, when I did Ironman, Florida, I have a triathlon coach and she's a former professional triathlete. And she said to me, and it resonates to this day. She's generally we speed up when we get to the finish line 'cause we're so excited to be done and we wanna shave those last seconds off our time.

She's but take time to savor the finish line. There's people, generally women who dance across it. There's people who do back flips, but generally you get through the finish line as quick as you can, and you get to the other side of that finish line and then you celebrate. She's and there's a red carpet at all these races, and she's really?

Celebrate. Finish, make sure that you, that's beautiful. Every moment. Yeah. And it's really a metaphor for life. And every time, and because I'm part of this research protocol, I go for scans pretty regularly. they're marked in three month increments, but it actually feels like I'm there almost like every day because that's how quickly, that's how you begin to mark time.

Yeah. And. Diane, patients have probably mentioned this to you, but the, this scanxiety that goes along with this is actually pretty significant and requires you to engage every three months in a process where you say to yourself, I hope it's gonna be okay. But suppose it's not. I was able to kinda work this dialogue with myself where, suppose it's not okay, I'll sit with my doctors and we'll map out another treatment plan.

We'll embark on that treatment plan. We'll attack cancer again, and we'll go through this process. If it's successful, I'll be back to where I was. If I'm not successful, then that is what it is. Worrying isn't going to change the outcome, if anything. Worrying isn't that great for your health, right?

I don't know

Diane: 100%.

Jeffrey: Worrying causes cancer, but it's not healthy. It's not good for you, right? It takes stress, right? Put stress on your body. And so you know that skin anxiety is very real. So much so that, a week before the book came out, I had a series of tests set up and I woke up in the middle and said.

Gee, suppose it came back. What do I do about the book? The book is about triumph. The book is overcame this, do I, staple an epilogue to the back of it saying, oh, guess what, it came back. and so you struggle. You're never fully in the clear, some people say, it keeps you on edge.

I think it keeps you grateful that every time I walk out of a test and the test is clear, I'm like, okay. I can breathe for a few more months. Again, you get to a certain point and I'm almost there where it's like you just resolve that. I'm grateful for a good outcome. If the outcome changes, then I will deal with that too.

It's all part of the deal and worrying about it isn't gonna make a huge difference, and it just makes you a little bit more humble and grateful for the day.

Diane: I had a very good friend recently that passed. she was on her fifth bout of cancer, and it was over a period of 20 years. But she embraced her journey.

She embraced life. she would fly to. Europe, to the, to the UK to watch a soccer game or what they would, or Yeah. Soccer game and just for the weekend and come back. she, it was just, she wanted to do things on her bucket list and she would go to the chemo, her chemo treatments with silly hats and all kinds of weird costumes to make people laugh.

She just, she lit up a room. Even till the very end. And that was her attitude. And she was grateful about every single day that she had. I just loved her. everybody loved her, so it was a loss, but. she left. In fact, she had a life celebration, before she passed to, to share all of her, with her, all of her friends, the love it.

It just was wonderful. it was just beautiful. But, 20 years of this wore her down and Yeah, it does.

Jeffrey: look, I'm sorry for your loss. I think. we learn, and as a nurse you see this, that, that life is more fragile and precarious than we often remind ourselves. And that's probably a survival mechanism, right?

Otherwise we'd go crazy. And but you get these little reminders along the way about the importance of time, the importance of family, that kind of thing. I actually finished the book while on Safari in South Africa because I'm like, I always wanted to go on a safari. I always wanted to. Be able to reach out and touch a giraffe kind of thing.

I didn't touch the giraffe, but I did go on safari and, look, here's one of the takeaway messages. all those things that you said you'd get to someday do 'em, because you never know, right?

Diane: A hundred percent. 100%. Go take

Jeffrey: advantage of it. Go do all the things you wanted to do.

If you've been putting off, calling that friend or texting that friend. Just do it right. You'll thank yourself later. I liken that to workouts. I have never, ever, and all the workouts I've done, swimming, biking, running, regretted, doing a workout. Sometimes it's hard to get the sneakers on and get out the door, and sometimes it's hard to get on the bike or get into the water 'cause the water's cold or whatever else.

But after you're done, I've never, ever regretted it, find a way to live your life where you just don't have those regrets. You don't need cancer in order to live that way.

Diane: Exactly. Exactly. And you

Jeffrey: can live that way starting right now.

Diane: I love when, that's what I liked. I did ortho rehab.

I told you nursing. And one of the things was I had individuals that may have had an amputation or they've had a stroke, and, they, to overcome things, they had to work hard to get to, a new normal for them. But there were so many of them that were just warriors that were happy and celebrate. I was a young nurse.

I, I was living in Minnesota and I had, I took care of Paris and Quads and they were young and a lot of times they'd wanna, they would, meet, wanna go out to parties and stuff. And I can't tell you how many of these young guys, the stairs are everywhere and. Their buddies would carry them up in their wheelchairs to upstairs to go to these wild parties.

they weren't ready to give up and they did wild things and they live life, as to their best of their ability. And I just love that spirit that people have.

Jeffrey: Yeah. Look, I think that's the way to live. So that's one of the other lessons. The other lesson is, for me, that human connection makes all the difference in the world, whether we're talking about personal relationships, family relationships, your coworkers, Find a way to make those connections because that's really at the end of it. I think those are the things that are the most important. if you know somebody who's struggling right now with cancer, some other serious illness, a big life change, a divorce, a separation, a job change, that kind of thing.

find a way to reach out. and here's, one, one of the last pieces of advice I'd give is never say to somebody, call me. If you need anything, we will never call. I promise you. I know you'd like to help, then just do it.

Diane: Exactly. Step up

Jeffrey: and do it. But if you ask us, we're never going to, we're never gonna say yes.

Diane: 100%. and it's a personal growth experience to accept help. Yes. And, but you're doing, I think that we've lost our sense of community. we look at ourselves as burdens to others when in fact, if you are in a community, everybody helps everybody else. And it's an expectation and a way of life.

And we've just gotten away from that and it's really sad. Dr. Reynold, I'm. Thank you so much for spending time today. I, you're so inspirational and I love the joy that, you elude, exude. how do people find you and find your book?

Jeffrey: Sure. The book is called Every Mile Matters. I have a website for the book.

It's every mile matters.com. book is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble. All the places you'd get, you'd get books. The audible version is out within the next couple days, and so probably by the time this is out into the community, the Audible book will be available. And Diane, before we go, I'd be remiss if I didn't thank you.

Not only for having me on, but thank you for. Your commitment to other people in your nursing career,healthcare professionals and specifically nurses, literally are angels, that, that help others. And so I relied so heavily on, on my healthcare staff and the love and care and support I, I needed.

I got and it made all the difference in the world. It can sometimes be a thankless job. I'm the joking patient, but not everybody depending upon where they are and their personality is the joking patient. But, just. Thank you. and I don't think, thank you. nurses and healthcare professionals hear that enough.

Thank you.

Diane: the largest part, this is a statistic that you won't, you prob may not know, is the largest pillar of the long-term care industry is family caregivers. So they are the angels now. But thank you so much for your kindness. To my family caregivers out there, you are the most important part of the caregiving equation.

Without you, it all falls apart. So please learn to be gentle with yourself. Practice self-care every day because you are worth it.