Caregiver Mastery With Rick Henkin - Episode 80

In this heartfelt and enlightening episode, Diane Carbo welcomes Rick Henkin, a devoted husband and full-time caregiver to his wife, Sonya, who lives with dementia. Rick shares how his personal journey led him to create Caregiver Mastery, a course helping family caregivers shift from burnout and guilt to peace and clarity—one mindset change at a time.

Through raw stories, powerful reframing tools, and real talk about ambiguous loss, this episode offers hope, laughter, and actionable insight for caregivers everywhere.

📝 Episode Highlights

Here’s what you’ll hear in this episode:

• 🧠 The diagnosis – How a cognitive test revealed the onset of Alzheimer’s
• 🏥 Capgras syndrome – When a loved one believes you’re an impostor
• 🧩 Structure & routine – The difference daycare made
• 💡 Reframing mindset – Why changing your thoughts changes everything
• 🧘‍♂️ Emotional resilience – The power of acceptance, gratitude & mindfulness
• 😂 Humor heals – Why Rick’s wife once put toothpaste in her hair 🪥
• ❤️ Love & caregiving – The emotional toll of becoming a spousal caregiver
• 🧘‍♀️ What is Caregiver Mastery? – How Rick’s course helps in minutes a day
• 💬 Favorite quote: “If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou

💡 Rick’s Key Message to Caregivers

“Stop resisting reality. It’s just the way it is. When you stop wishing things were different, you relieve an enormous portion of your stress.”

🙌 Why You Should Listen

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, isolated, or burnt out, this episode is for you. Rick’s story reminds us that while we may not be able to change our loved one’s condition, we can change how we experience caregiving—and that small shift can change everything.

🔗 Featured Resource

🧭 Caregiver Mastery Course

Short, practical modules that help you move from stress to strength—just minutes a day.
👉 Learn More and Enroll

💬 Join the Conversation

Have a story or insight to share?
💌 Leave a comment below or join our Facebook group to connect with others on this journey.

Podcast Episode Transcript

Diane: Welcome. I'm Diane Carbo with Caregiver Relief, and today I am very honored to welcome a guest who truly understands the heart and soul of caregiving. Rick Henkin is not only a devoted husband, but also a full-time caregiver to his wife's Sonya who is living with dementia.

Like many of us walking this caregiving path, Rick's life took an unexpected turn and instead of being defeated by the challenges, he's transformed them out of his personal experience. Rick created caregiver Mastery, a course designed to help family caregivers move from burnout, stress, and guilt to peace, clarity, and emotional resilience in just minutes a day.

Rick's mission is deeply personal, and his message is one of empowerment and hope Rick's work has been described as an eyeopener and exactly what everybody needs and something people can't recommend enough. So I'm really thrilled to have him here today to share his story, the real life tools that are helping other caregivers, and the emotional journey of shifting from being a spouse to becoming a full-time caregiver.

So Rick let I Welcome. I'm excited to have you here.

Rick: Thank you for that wonderful introduction.

Diane: Oh, you're welcome.

Rick: That was really very, really very, very nice.

Diane: Well, you know what I'd like to, at first, to start at the beginning, how did you become to a caregiver, to your wife, Sonya. Okay, and what was that shift?

like being her husband to her caregiver.

Rick: Well in, in the fall of 2019, I noticed that Sonya just didn't have any attention span. She'd be up and down, we'd be watching tv. Sonya, wait for the commercial, so I'd pause it. I'd be constantly pausing 'cause I didn't want her to miss out on stuff. Awful. And. I decided I wanna have somebody check this out.

She was taking antidepressants at the time. I didn't want to take her to her primary care physician. I wanted to take her to someone that specializes in in brain disorders, whatever. So I did some research and found the Pacific Neuroscience Institute here in Santa Monica, California. They have a national reputation.

Their doctors are Harvard, Yale, U-C-L-A-U-S-C. So I, on the way there, she kept on saying, why do we have this appointment? She goes, I don't need this appointment. You need this appointment. And she's very resistive and argumentative, but we got in there. The psychologist would ask her some questions 'cause he explained the different parts of the brain process things differently.

So he was asking her, repeat these words, add these words in you a sentence. And then he gave her the clock test, if you're familiar with that.

Diane: Very familiar.

Rick: She drew the clock, she drew the numbers on the clock and he said, draw the hands, showing 10 to 11. And she just stared at it literally for five minutes until we both started to cry.

And that's when she realized she had a problem. Yeah, a mild cognitive impairment at that point. And he said it's like a jigsaw puzzle. Like we can't really tell you what the problem is until after a while. So she had several CAT scans and eventually in January of 2020, she was given an amyloid PET scan and diagnosed with Alzheimer's at that point.

Diane: Oh, that's brutal.

Rick: Yeah. It was brutal. And at that point it was just a matter of memory issues. Okay. You know, we all have that. I can deal with that. And as time went on, I put her in, adult daycare strictly for people with dementia out here.

Diane: Wow. That was very smart of you.

Rick: Well, I put her in adult, I put her there and she thrived.

They loved her. Every, look, everybody loves my wife, wherever she goes. 'cause she's a hugger. She's a kisser. And she helped them set up the activities, break down the activities. And when she got home though, you never knew what you were gonna get. Sony developed what's called Capgras Syndrome, if you're familiar with that.

It you are, just for your audience. Capgras is named after a French psychologist from the 1920s, and it's an irrational belief that the person whose face she recognizes me is an imposter. And you can't shake it. You can't shake it with photos, you can't shake it with other people talking to her. Nope.

We'd be sitting on the sofa and she'd look at me and she'd say, where do you live? I want you outta here before I call the police. And then she'd run next door to tell the neighbors about the strange man in her house. Oh, I take a walk for about a half hour. I'd come back and find her crying, wondering where I went.

Because she had no recollection of what took place.

Diane: Yes, yes, yes.

Rick: And that it was, she became disruptive over a period of time. She came, became disruptive to the family. We have six granddaughters, two of 'em live upstairs from us, and she was her best friend, crawling on the floor, playing dress up, playing makeup, everything.

Eventually she became, unfortunately, the mean grandma. She'd come home from daycare. She was banging on the door and they stopped answering it 'cause she was scaring them. They had to do homework, they're eating their dinner. Yeah. And one day my son said to me, his wife is from Oregon. So she took the kids up to Oregon for Easter vacation, Uhhuh.

And he said to me. I'm looking for a job. And I said, cool. He's doing it online. And he said, it's in Ashland, Oregon. We live in Los Angeles, and my heart just sank. I thought, I felt like I was being abandoned. I'm sure. He said it's the most difficult choice I ever had to make. My mother or my family, and I gotta take care of my family.

Yeah. Just so everybody knows, he did not move what I did. I didn't wanna do anything that was expedient for me. You know, like moving Sonia. I just didn't think that was, I didn't feel that was right. I thought I was disrespectful. Yeah. I called her neurologist, her nurse practitioner and psychologist, and I said, why is it when she's at daycare?

They love her and when she gets home. Know, she's not a monster, but you know, difficult. And they said because at daycare she has structure and at home it's the wild west.

Diane: Exactly. And they

Rick: felt it was time for Sonia to move into a facility. Yes. So with their blessing, I did that. Sonia moved into a memory care facility.

She was there for 22 months until the long-term care insurance ran out. She's been home for over a year and I'm glad she's home now. She's also. Much more easy, more mild, the

Diane: manageable

Rick: Yeah. Capgras syndrome disappeared pretty quickly, at the beginning. Right? And she still goes to daycare strictly again for dementia, patients.

So I have a few hours each day, but I have to tell you, and I don't want listeners to hate me, but while most caregivers. Their idea of respite is getting away from their loved one. My idea of respite is spending time with Sonya, picking her up at the end of the day, spending on the weekends with her, because by focusing on her, I don't have to think about anything else.

So that becomes my respite.

Diane: Gotcha. Well, anyway. I really, how did you go from the shift from being her husband to her caregiver? I think you have a lot of husbands still in you, not just caregiving. Yeah,

Rick: of course. She's my wife. We've been married for 34 years. It's a second marriage for both of us.

We have three kids between us. They each have two girls, no boys, only girls and I at the time. But this is before she went into daycare. I realized that I understood about the burden of care. It's a significant medical phenomenon. It takes its toll on the caregiver psychologically, physically, mentally, financially.

And I thought, okay, let me research this online. This can't be a new issue. There's gotta information about it. Yeah. And I searched and on website after website, I found the same basic information. Take 15 minutes, take a walk, exercise, meditate. Yeah, it's all good advice. Yeah, but it doesn't have anything to do with my feelings and my emotions.

And that's when I realized I gotta do this by myself. 'cause mine's the only brain that can change. Sonia's isn't. So I started working on myself, just, I was trying to change my own mindset. That's what I was trying to do. And

Diane: you know what? That's really, that's a really good point I wanna make here.

'cause I tell my caregivers, you can't change those around you. Mm-hmm. You can't change the person you're caring for. All you can do is change your perspective and your approach to handling situations.

Rick: No, that's exactly right. Yep. After several months. I got to a point of acceptance. I reached what I call my heaven island, just a place of peace, acceptance, clarity.

And then I thought, well, maybe I can help other people. I didn't know what was else, what else was out there. I started looking on Facebook, dozens and dozens of groups for family caregivers. Yeah. And with tens of thousands of members. And I started looking at their comments and, yep. Almost to the person.

All they did was complain and rant, my life is over. I'm depressed. When's this gonna end? One woman was even considering committing suicide because it was easier than taking care of her husband. And I thought, okay, cool. I've got something for them. So I started my own Facebook group and I don't allow any of that.

I only allow if you've done something that's been helpful to you that you share with other people, that's what I want on my website.

Diane: Yes. I love that. I also have a faith in caregiving section in caregiver relief. Okay.

Rick: Because

Diane: I, I find people, and this may offend some people. That's all right. Um, people that have faith have something, a higher being to believe in handle caregiving.

Better than those that don't have any kind of faith or support of any kind. So I think I agree with that. Caregiving is really important, but now spousal caregiving is also described as a journey of ambiguous loss. You're losing parts of the person you love while still caring for them every day.

So I wanna ex tell, have you explain to me how did you cope with this emotional grief and how does caregiver mastery address this?

Rick: You know, what it comes down to all comes down to acceptance. You're not gonna change that person no matter what they do that drives you crazy. Repeat the same thing over and over.

It's the disease talking. They're not doing it on purpose. They're not trying to upset you, push your buttons. And it really, and again, that's the mindset. It's all about acceptance.

Diane: Most caregivers never take out Oh

Rick: yeah. But it's important.

'cause what I did know, because of the toll that the burden of care could take on me, I didn't wanna be a statistic. Also, I wasn't gonna let it shorten my life. Yes. So, everything I do, I'm I look at it from the standpoint of how is this affecting me? I mean, I still get frustrated and angry, but I catch myself.

I'm mindful of it, and I stop before I blow up. Because I also understand that the better emotion that I have, the better I can take care of Sonya, the better the quality of our relationship, because that's, that, that's just important. I mean, you know, it's like, what if I what? What if I told your caregivers that it's not?

Your loved one that's causing you to be angry or upset. It's what you choose to think about your loved one's behavior that's causing you to be angry and upset. And again, it goes back to changing your mindset and looking at things differently.

Diane: so your course, uh, caregiver mastery, uh, help reframe that thought, those thoughts for the caregivers.

Rick: Okay. My course is divided. Divided into very small short modules. I just want people to know it's not some giant time consuming program. Mm-hmm. I didn't create it. They add more to caregivers's plates I created to lift some of the weight off their shoulders. The lessons are short and practical, and if you apply what I teach in just minutes a day, I guarantee you'll start to feel a difference in two or three weeks.

I've seen that I gave the course for free to a couple people in exchange for reviews. Mm-hmm. And one woman said, people are telling me I'm smiling again. Yeah. And her have both Alzheimer's and cancer. He has since passed. But the reviews, so to speak, with testimonials that I got, were far exceeded what I thought.

I was doing to help people.

Diane: You know, one of the things I encourage my caregivers to do when I'm working with them is start with one every day with an attitude of gratitude. Mm-hmm. Wake up, decide what you're grad, uh, grateful for, and start your day on that frame of mind, because it just, it makes the day go easier and fast.

Rick: Absolutely. I mean, here's a simple little thing because I, I know people say grateful. What the heck should I be grateful for? How about the fact that this didn't happen 10 years earlier? Now you have 10 more years of memories that you wouldn't have had. Yeah, that's something to be grateful for.

Diane: I love the way you reframe that because people don't understand that there are many things to be grateful for.

Um, in a day. It may be just that they're, they have another day with their loved one and they may have a moment of lucidity with them where they connect. Mm-hmm. And that's priceless. It's also hard when the light goes out and they don't know you again. But those moments, people live for those moments.

And it's important.

Rick: Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Another thing I think that's very important is you have to look for, you have to look for the humor, not to make fun of your loved one. Yeah. But look, they do things that are funny and you have to hang onto that. Just as a memory, I came into the bathroom one day and Sony was putting toothpaste in her hair.

And I was, I looked at her and I said, why? And she started laughing and I don't know if toothpaste is a good conditioner, but her hair smelled minty fresh for the rest of the day.

Diane: You know what? People don't understand that laughter is just more than a coping mechanism. Oh, yeah. It changes your hormones.

It Raises your. Uh, dopamine and serotonin levels, and it just makes you feel good. It's the, so you need to have some laughter and you're not, you don't have to laugh at somebody, but you sure no tell can laugh with them.

Rick: No, absolutely. One time there's a great story. We were at IHOP International House of Pancakes.

Mm-hmm. Pancakes as we're getting ready to leave and I'm paying, she snatches a pancake off somebody else's plate and. The man was very, very nice. That's one thing I'm grateful for in every situation. Everybody's been very nice. They understand immediately that Sonya is harmless and didn't do whatever on purpose.

So he just says to me, well, you know, that's okay, and I apologize. But in my haste to get out, because I was embarrassed, I opened the only alarmed door in the restaurant. So the siren's blaring, everybody's looking at us and Sony's just continually eating her pancake.

Diane: one of the things I have told my caregivers that I work with is to have, yeah.

You're gonna have some, a family member with dementia and you're still taking them out in public. Mm-hmm. Which I encourage everybody to do Oh yeah. As long as possible. Um, have cards written up. Yeah. And say, forgive my wife or my husband, they have dementia. Right. And, and if you give those to people when something like the pancake,

Thief, act, that just cracks me up. Um, people are, they're kind. They're understanding they are. And, um, god bless 'em because it's a challenge. And we have more seniors than youth now, so we don't have mm-hmm. Youth to take care of our seniors. So

Rick: we

Diane: have to help one another and show kindness and compassion when we can.

Rick: Absolutely. And also to keep in mind, this could easily have been you, it just happened to be your loved one.

Diane: Exactly. And how would

Rick: you want them to treat you?

Diane: Yes.

Rick: You know, one thing that came to me, this is, uh, a few months ago I was getting Sonia ready for bed.

Diane: Mm-hmm.

Rick: And I realized because she's so dependent on me as our, you know, everyone's loved one depending on on their caregiver.

Yes. We have. The ability, the gift, if you will, to make the rest of their life miserable or joyful. And I want it to be joyful. I, when when the time comes and I don't like to talk about it, but I don't wanna look back and say, I wish I would've done this. I wish I would've said that. I don't want that. I wanna know that I've done everything to make her life as good as possible.

As it can be in her situation.

Diane: One of the things caregivers don't realize, uh, Rick, is that you're the person with with dementia loses their ability to understand what you're saying. Mm-hmm. Sometimes. Mm-hmm. And, um, and they definitely have lost what I call the reasoner, you know? Uh mm-hmm. The logic. And so when you're talking to them, even though you don't, they don't, may not understand what you say, they see how you say it.

So it's really exactly important that you remain. I tell everybody, be mindful. Take those deep breaths, calm and put a smile on your face. Mm-hmm. Touch them gently. Even if you just wanna scream your lungs out. Right. You gotta get control of that because they sense your feelings and they will respond in kind.

Rick: You're absolutely right. Uh, they do react to our feelings.

Diane: Yeah.

Rick: Uh, when Sonia, I mentioned to you earlier that Sonia was in a memory care facility for a while. Yeah. When she came home, she used to go through the house and turn off all the water. I turn on all the water faucets. Oh dear. I could I could explain to her, Hey, it's a precious resource, you know, and it costs money.

Yeah,

Diane: yeah.

Rick: Or I could yell at her or plead with her. What's the point?

Diane: There's none. Yeah.

Rick: Again, thinking to myself, I just want to preserve my own health. When I hear the water faucets go on, I just turn 'em off.

Diane: Yeah. Think

Rick: that's the end of it. I don't get upset. My blood pressure doesn't rise. I just turn them off.

Diane: I love that. I love, she also

Rick: has a habit of. Which I'm sure a lot of, uh, loved ones do. Just picking up stuff and moving 'em, you know, and then you can't find whatever it is. Yes, yes. I I walk around with a remote in my pocket, my keys in my pocket, I mean, whatever. 'cause she just moved stuff.

Diane: I had one, one client he wore, he wore a, a tool belt.

Yeah, with with like water bottle, uh, remote, uh, different things that he needed for and keys and stuff so that she would yeah, grab 'em and hide them. Smart. So you know, people have to get smart and and be flexible and change. Mm-hmm. Rick, your course caregiver Mastery is said to help caregivers reclaim clarity and calm in just minutes a day.

Right. Can you walk us through what a typical day or practice from the course looks like?

Rick: Well, the course is divided into modules. Uh, there's an introduction, module of course, and then there's one about, uh, mindfulness distorted thoughts, limited beliefs, uh, mindset. And each of the little modules are videos.

They're 10, 12 minutes long. Then there's a summary of what was just in that video and then exercises to to work on. And there's no, you you can go through, skip around. You do it any way you want. It's overall, it's not that long because it doesn't need to be that long. It really, if you really work at it, and these are things that will go into other aspects, other facets of your life, other relationships, whatever it may be, the way to, to look at things so that you are not losing yourself, you're not, uh, creating health problems for yourself.

Like like we had talked. A lot of people are very surprised that. In the Journal of the American Medical Association, they did a survey and found that that family caregivers have a 63% higher risk of dying than their peers who aren't caregivers. Yeah. That's why you hear about the caregiver ending up in the hospital before their loved one.

I don't wanna be that one of those people, and I'm sure nobody listening to your podcast wants to be one of those. People don't. It doesn't have to be.

Diane: Yes,

but you know what? They don't have the tools, well, first of all, they're thrust. Everything that's thrust upon them was once PR care that was provided by healthcare professionals.

Mm-hmm. So now family caregivers are are giving medicines, changing wounds, uh, right. Handling, wandering, and taking care of somebody with dementia. And it's challenging and they don't have the skills. Mm-hmm. So, um. You know, that's where your caregiver mastery comes in. I mean, it's, it's, you address guilt, burnout, isolation, and these are words, right?

We hear every day from caregivers. Right. Can you tell me how caregiving mastery can help someone move from surviving to truly living again?

Rick: It helps 'em change their mindset and to look at things differently. It is the same idea. Let's take two paraplegics, both the same age, both in wheelchairs, both the result of a car accident.

Why is it that one bemoans? His fate? My life is over. Nobody's ever gonna love me, and the other person's out playing wheelchair basketball. It's mindset. Yep,

Diane: yep.

Rick: While it's a simple concept, I understand it's not a simple thing to change, you know, from, you know, where you are now to a different mindset. It takes a little bit of time, but that's what my course is about, helping you change that and looking at things differently.

Again, We're not gonna be able to change anything. Okay. The disease is gonna progress. I don't care if you're the best caregiver in the entire world, it's still gonna progress. So the only person that can, that you can change is yourself and preserve your own self.

Diane: Exactly. And you know, I, um, I have to applaud you on saying that because so many caregivers, they, they don't grasp that concept of of self-care.

Mm-hmm. And making their health and and their emotional wellbeing a higher priority. And, um, you know, the caregiver guilt, I call it the. Some caregivers feel like they're victims. Yeah. And when you have that victim mote mentality, right, you can't overcome things. And I love that you, you, you tell people, we are responsible for our actions.

And, and like I say, chi, change your mindset. You change your life.

Rick: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I know a lot of caregivers, they have doubts about their ability as a caregiver.

Diane: Yes, yes, yes.

Rick: I just wanna say to 'em that they're doing, you're, you're doing the best job you can. Mm-hmm. We didn't learn this stuff in school.

We didn't learn in high school, we didn't learn in college. None of us were ever taught how to navigate this. But you're doing the best you can and it doesn't matter what. You know, other people say your family, your friends. I, I, I use the word armchair generals.

Diane: Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Rick: You know, tell them to take over for a weekend and and let them see, rather than standing on the sidelines saying, well, you should do this, you should do that.

Everybody's journey's different. And nobody understands unless you're taking care of that person.

Diane: And there's always one primary caregiver. Mm-hmm. And, um, the spousal caregivers always are challenged because about 11% of all caregivers in the US are spousal caregivers and what they have their own health issues while providing care.

And they're, they're providing more than 44 hours per week of care. Mm-hmm. Which it it takes such an, and the emotional toll for a spousal caregiver is often greater due to the shift from being a romantic partner or life partner to a medical manager advocate, and often the the sole caregiver. And it's really.

Stressful. It's hard to overcome that. Yeah, it is. And and caregivers. So the the spousal caregivers, I think are are the ones that I worry about the most, but I also have so many caregivers that are struggling day to day and they have no, no idea what to do or how to overcome their fears and, mm-hmm. Their fear is what causes them anger.

One of the things that I, I'm an old rehab nurse. I, I, you know, I've, I picked up men for a living. Well, I, I really did. You know, strokes. But yeah. One of the things I tell caregivers is, you need to be lazy. You know, I don't want you to do everything for them, especially with a dementia patient. You need to let them do whatever they can for as long as possible.

'cause once they lose an ability, it's gone. It's not gonna get better. And and it's the same if you're a spouse with somebody who has a stroke. You gotta keep on your partner that had the stroke to keep exercising and of course, because they'll decline and then it it's more pressure on you. I know one of the things you have to is.

Caregivers have to do is practice patience and that's really hard. Mm-hmm. Because they wanna hurry up and get it done, let me feed you and we will get it done. Or let me get you dressed. And you deny your family member, um, well, their emotional wellbeing and dignity of taking care of themselves. Right. Now, is it hard watching somebody who's shivering and shaken and can't get a spoon to their mouth?

Yes, but you have to let them try.

Rick: Absolutely. And I think socialization is so important.

Diane: Oh, it is. Take

Rick: them outside, let 'em be with other people.

Diane: Yes, yes, yes. Even if they're inappropriate. Even if they're inappropriate. Yeah. Yeah. Let them get outside and interact. Well, Rick, you've received some amazing feedback from caregivers and either other and even other podcast hosts.

So what kind of transformation do you typically see in people that go through your course?

Rick: Well, they start to feel like a burden's been lifted off their shoulders. Life just life becomes easier because they're looking at it differently. Um, I'm trying to think how to answer your question. Um,

Diane: no, you're doing fine.

You, you, no, absolutely.

Rick: You still have the same chores, the same things that you need to take care of, but you're looking at it differently. You know, it's interesting. I was driving down the street and painted on a wall. I saw a quote from Maya Angelou. It said, if it said, uh, if, if, oh, come on Rick. Um, you know, if, if something bothers you, change it.

If you can't change it, change your attitude.

Diane: Yes, yes, yes.

Rick: It's really, and that goes back to tell yourself, I'm doing the best I can and that's enough.

Diane: Yes. Just keep telling yourself it has to be enough. It

Rick: absolutely. Yeah. It's all you can do.

Diane: Yes.

Rick: Absolutely. It's

Diane: one thing you wish every caregiver knew that might have changed your own journey if you had learned it sooner.

Rick: Uh, for me it would be, uh, to be patient and again, changing my mindset, which can apply to so many aspects of our life. Yes. Um. Yeah, I I, you know, I didn't know what I was getting into. Sonia's grandfather had had dementia who I had never met. He was before my time. Yeah. Um, and and you'll you'll find also that.

Some people will just kind of disappear out of your life. Could be family members, friends. I mean, I've experienced that and part of it is not that they don't care. They don't know what to do, they don't know what to say, and I can understand that. So I try to help them along with saying, Hey, why don't you come over for brunch on Saturday?

Diane: Yeah

Rick: know and I'll make, I did that recently. We had like 14 people over and it was nice. It was nice for Sonia. Oh wow. It was nice. Nice for me. I try to do that every couple of months. Beautiful.

Diane: Um, you know what, that's one of the things. Caregivers let the fam typical family caregiver get so bogged down in everything that they do lose contact with all their outside mm-hmm.

Forces. Mm-hmm. And the thing is, there's life after caregiving. Oh yeah. And if you don't water and like a garden, if you don't water those relationships and give them attention, they wither away and die. And then you have nothing at the end of your caregiving journey, which is really a challenge for so many.

Yeah.

Rick: No, that's very true. This is just a chapter in our lives. It's not the whole story.

Diane: Exactly. That's that's beautiful. On that note, I'm going to say to my caregivers, remember, you are the most important part of the family caregiving equation. Without you, it all falls apart, so please practice. Self-care every day.

Learn to be gentle with yourself because you are worth it. Rick, thank you for your time and I'm, we will be posting this and we will have a link to your caregiver mastery course.

Rick: Can I can I just say one more thing to caregivers?

Diane: Absolutely.

Rick: Stop resisting things. It's just the way it is when you stop resisting reality, 'cause you're not gonna be able to change it.

When you stop wishing things were different or trying to force 'em to change, you relieve an enormous portion of your stress, the stress that caregiving brings. And for a long time I didn't see that, but eventually I learned that.

Diane: I love that you're bringing that attention to caregivers because they desperately need it.

Yeah. And, um, like change your perspective. You change your life. So, good message, Rick and I I can't wait to to tell everybody about your course.

Rick: Thank you so much, Diane. Thank you. A beautiful day.

Diane: Okay. Yeah, you too.