Has Anyone Regretted Moving Elderly Parents Into Your Home?

Diane Carbo shares her experience of feeling exhausted and guilty after moving her elderly parents into her home. Learn about the realities of caregiving and options for support and respite care to maintain your own health and well-being."

Has Anyone Regretted Moving Elderly Parents Into Your Home?

I feel so guilty. Has anyone else and second thoughts about moving elderly parents into your home?   I made the decision to move my parents from across the state, into my home, after my mother had a stroke. My father has a bad heart and severe arthritis and was unable to care for her alone.

My husband and I brought them here, because we thought it would be easier to manage their care. It has been 6 years and I am exhausted. My father has passed and I continue to provide care for my mother.

My mother has always been a needy individual, and experiences frequent bouts of anxiety and panic attacks.

I am so tired of my friends and family who don’t understand that we can’t just go out with them or go to a movie. I would love to see a movie in the theater, I really would, but we don’t have respite care, or family, that will stay with the my mother.

We can’t celebrate our anniversary or go to out to dinner. We can’t go on vacation. We are home bound except when one of us (mostly me) goes to the store or has a doctor appointment.

I’m sorry that my friends don’t feel comfortable coming here to spend time with us, because our attention is distracted by us having to care for my mother.

We are no longer a couple, we are no longer the people we used to be. We are providing care   with no life for the foreseeable future. Possibly, when my mother dies, sometime in the next 10-20 years, we may have a life again. But for now, we don’t. Thank you for allowing my rant. I feel guilty and angry. Am I wrong to feel this way?

More on Has Anyone Regretted Moving Elderly Parents Into Your Home?

Thank you so much for sharing your situation with us. I will tell you, that you are not alone. So many that move into the parents home or move the parents into their home, have regrets.

We go into our caregiving journey with good intentions. We have no clue what our promises and commitment to keep someone at home with entail. We are also, not prepared, for the time commitment our caregiving journey may take. Caregiving can last as long as 20 years, as people are living longer, but, not healthier.  The average person requires care for about 6 years.

I am an advocate for keeping a family member at home for as long as possible. I do not feel that a family caregiver should continue to provide that care when they are negatively impacted financially or at the risk of neglecting their own family.

There will come a day when your caregiving journey will end. You want to have a life to return to. Every relationship in our life requires attention, just like, water is needed, to help a plant grow. When we neglect our outside relationships, we lose the support and life outside the home.

There are community resources that may be available to help provide in home health care. There comes a time, when placement is necessary for you, as the caregiver to maintain your health and well being.

Remember, you are the most important part of the caregiving equation. Without you it all falls apart.

Caregiver support- You Are Not Alone

Feeling Guilty about Long Term Care Placement