Has Anyone Regretted Moving Elderly Parents Into Your Home?

One family caregiver shares her experience of feeling exhausted and guilty after moving her elderly parents into her home. Learn about the realities of caregiving and options for support and respite care to maintain your own health and well-being."

Has Anyone Regretted Moving Elderly Parents Into Your Home?
Have you regretted moving elderly parents into your home?

Navigating the challenges of caring for elderly parents is a journey that often brings unexpected trials and emotions. In this heartfelt account, one caregiver, Sheila, shares her personal struggle and the toll it has taken on her life.

I wanted to share my experiences as a caregiver for my elderly parents, as I believe that there might be others who can relate to what I'm going through. It's a story of mixed emotions, challenges, and the deep sense of guilt that sometimes accompanies caregiving.

After my mother suffered a stroke, I made the decision to move my elderly parent to another state and into my home. My father's health issues, including a bad heart and severe arthritis, left him unable to care for her alone. With no hesitation, I took on the role of the primary caregiver for both of my aging parents.

Initially, I thought that having them move in with me would make managing their care easier. However, after six years, I find myself feeling utterly exhausted. The demands of caring for an elderly parent have taken a toll on me that I could never have anticipated. I've heard stories from other family members in various support groups, but I never thought I would be so overwhelmed myself.

My father has since passed away, leaving me to continue caring for my mother. She has always been a needy individual, dealing with mental health issues and frequent bouts of anxiety and panic attacks. The stroke has exacerbated her physical and mental health challenges, making every day a struggle.

It's not just the physical and emotional exhaustion that weighs on me; it's the sacrifices that I've had to make. Friends and family who haven't experienced this kind of caregiving often don't understand why I can't simply go out or take a break. I yearn to do things as simple as going to a movie or celebrating our anniversary, but without respite care or family members who can help, my options are severely limited.

The constraints on our lives are profound. Vacations are out of the question, and even simple outings are a rarity. The isolation that comes with this role has also affected our relationships. Friends and family feel uncomfortable around my elderly parent, and I can sense their reluctance to spend time with us when our attention is constantly focused on caregiving.

My partner and I have transformed from a couple with shared experiences to caregivers with little personal life. Looking ahead, it's hard to see a life beyond caregiving in the foreseeable future. I can't help but think about the possibility of regaining some semblance of a normal life when my mother eventually passes away – a reality that may not come for another 10 to 20 years.

I share these feelings of guilt and frustration with you, and I wonder if they're justified. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Thank you for giving me the space to share my thoughts and emotions.



Dear Sheila,

Thank you deeply for opening up and sharing your journey with us. I want you to know that you are not alone in this experience. When a parent moves into your home, life undergoes a profound shift. Many who embark on similar paths, whether bringing parents into their own homes or moving into their parents' homes, end up facing unexpected challenges and regrets.

Our intentions as caregivers are rooted in compassion and love, yet the reality of what it entails often takes us by surprise. The commitment to keeping a loved one at home carries complexities that we can't fully comprehend until we're immersed in the role. This journey demands far more time, energy, and emotional resilience than we ever anticipated. As people live longer lives, the caregiving span can extend up to two decades, during which time the demands on us grow exponentially, even as health may not.

Advocating for the well-being of our aging family members is essential, but it should not come at the cost of our own physical, emotional, and financial health. I believe that maintaining a healthy balance between caregiving and one's personal life is crucial. Caregivers should not have to bear the burden if it means compromising their own families or their well-being. It's a difficult decision, but sometimes transitioning to professional care might be the best option for everyone involved.

The toll caregiving takes on you is real, and recognizing the need for self-care is not selfish—it's vital. Our own relationships and connections are like life-giving water to a plant, and neglecting them can lead to isolation and burnout. We advocate for a team-based approach in providing care to aging parents. Caregiver support is essential, and it's a crisis that our society needs to address collectively.

I recommend exploring avenues that offer respite care and support. Short breaks, even for personal errands or to nurture your own well-being, can have a transformative impact. It's crucial to remember that you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to ease the load.

Consider joining the New To Caregiving Course, followed by the advanced course, How to Be A Patient Care Advocate for Family Caregivers. These courses are designed to equip you with tools to build a support network, whether it's composed of family, friends, or other resources.

Remember, your health and well-being are paramount. Without a strong foundation of self-care, the caregiving journey becomes unsustainable. You are an indispensable piece of the caregiving equation, and your well-being is crucial to the well-being of all those you care for.

With empathy and support,

Diane Carbo,RN

Sheila's story sheds light on the complex realities of caregiving and the importance of recognizing one's own well-being amidst the responsibilities. It serves as a reminder that caregivers deserve understanding, support, and resources to navigate this demanding role.

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Feeling Guilty about Long Term Care Placement

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