Aging with Purpose: How Seniors Can Stay Independent, Connected, and Valued with Vincent Tilford - Episode 261

In this empowering episode of the Caregiver Relief Podcast, host Diane Carbo, RN, sits down with Vincent Tilford, President and CEO of Detroit's Hannan Center. Together, they shatter toxic ageist stereotypes and explore what it truly means to "age out loud" with dignity, purpose, and connection!

From battling systemic ageism in healthcare to empowering seniors with dementia, this conversation is packed with hope, actionable insights, and warm inspiration for caregivers and older adults alike.

🎧 Why You Need to Listen Now

• 💡 Rethink Aging & Defy Ageism: Discover how ageist narratives quietly impact our health—and why having a positive mindset about growing older can add 7 to 8 years to your life!
• ✊ Preserving Dignity & Agency: Learn why adult children must avoid "parenting their parents" and how caregivers can protect their loved ones' right to make their own choices.
• 🤝 Building True Community: Hear about innovative programs like Hannan Center’s Daybreak dementia day services and the inspiring 70 Over 70 awards.
• ✨ Be a "Glitter Goddess": Get inspired by host Diane Carbo’s hilarious and fiery take on refusing to become "invisible" as you age!

📋 Episode Summary & Detailed Outline

🎙️ Introduction & Welcome

• Host Diane Carbo, RN, introduces guest Vincent Tilford, CEO of Hannan Center, highlighting his 30+ years of leadership in housing, elder services, and non-profit development.
• Overview of Hannan Center’s holistic offerings: enrichment classes, fitness, case management, behavioral health, dementia day services, and an art gallery.

🏘️ From Community Development to Serving Older Adults

• Vincent shares how revitalizing Detroit neighborhoods revealed a critical gap: older adults staying in declining communities without proper support to age in place.
• Recognizing the societal shift: Society views youth as an "investment" while older adults are wrongly treated as a "cost".
• Vincent's personal realization at age 54/65 and the mission to change the narrative around aging.

🚫 Confronting Everyday Ageism & Intersectionality

• Ageism as one of the most widely accepted forms of discrimination.
• Common instances of ageism: Physicians talking over older patients to their caregivers or family members.
• Being an ally: Vincent's story of stepping back so his late-80s mother could speak for herself at the doctor.
• Understanding intersectionality: How aging compounds marginalization based on gender, race, or sexual orientation.
• Highlight Story: The 90-year-old attorney in a wheelchair who spent 15 years investigating a case to exonerate an innocent man from prison.

🎯 The Power of Purpose & Longevity

• Lessons from the Blue Zones (Okinawa, Ikaria, Loma Linda): Connection to community and reverence for older adults as historical pillars.
• Harvard research: Individuals with positive views on aging live an average of 7 to 8 years longer.
• Why waking up every day knowing you are needed gives vital drive, mobility, and hope.

💖 Preserving Dignity in Caregiving & Dementia Care

• Resisting the urge for adult children to "parent" their parents—adults retain the right to self-direction and making their own choices.
• Supporting individuals living with dementia without taking away their identity, emotions, or dreams.
• Inside Hannan Center's Daybreak program: Providing 12-hour/weekend respite for caregivers while offering individual-driven, non-forced engagement for seniors.

✨ Claiming Your Age & "Aging Out Loud"

• Breaking out of the stereotype that lumps 60-year-olds together with 90-year-olds.
• Diane shares her story of becoming a "Glitter Goddess" when told women in their 50s are "invisible".
• Vincent's advice on keeping up active hobbies (like martial arts) despite ageist medical advice.
• Encouragement for Baby Boomers to lead the charge in aging out loud and proud!

📢 Closing Thoughts & Resources

• How to connect with Hannan Center:
  • 🌐 Website: hannan.org
  • 📲 Social Media: @HannanCenter on Instagram & Facebook
• Final encouraging reminder for caregivers: Practice daily self-care—you are the most crucial part of the caregiving equation!

Podcast Episode Transcript

Diane: Welcome to the Caregiver Relief podcast. I'm your host, Diane Carbo, RN.

Today, I am honored to welcome Vincent Tilford, president and CEO of Hannan Center, an organization dedicated to preserving dignity and enhancing the quality of life for older adults. Vincent has more than three decades of leadership experience in housing, community development, nonprofit leadership, elder services, and financial empowerment.

His work has focused on creating opportunities for older adults to age with dignity, purpose, independence, and connection. At Hannan Center, Vincent leads programs that include enrichment classes, fitness, behavioral health, case management, dementia day services, and an art gallery that highlights older adult artists and themes.

His work challenges one of the most harmful ideas in our society, that aging means decline, dependence, and loss of value. Today, we are going to talk about ageism, purpose, lifelong learning, social connection, dignity, independence, and what families and caregivers can do to better support the older adults they love.

Diane: Vincent, thank you so much for joining us today. For those who may not know you or the Hannan Center, can you start by telling us about your work and what drew you to serving older adults?

Vincent: Yes, first of all, thanks for having me on, Diane. I really appreciate this. and I started with Hannan Center, 11 years ago.

And what drew me at that time was, I had done some previous work, with housing, doing a lot of affordable housing development. And as I was out working in the communities, I used to always run into seniors. And what we find here, and I'm in Detroit, so for your listeners, right?

Diane: Okay.

Vincent: So everybody has certainly have heard about Detroit and how the city, some of the, the neighborhoods and how they have declined.

So I used to do that kind of work about trying to do community development and helping neighborhoods to revitalize. And when I was in those communities, I always found that the people who remained in the communities, while the younger people left, older people generally stayed. And you would find that they stayed because of the ties to that community.

They stayed because they may not have other options that were affordable to be able to move out. For whatever the reason was, they stayed, and that there weren't any programs or services that helped those seniors to age in place. Now, what I would actually find is you might have, say, two, women who were widows, and you might have a guy who was also a widow, you know, down the street, and he might come back and mow their lawns or do little odd jobs for them.

They became their own little tribe here. And so I looked at that and I thought, that's what we need. We used to have that in community

Diane: Yes, we did

Vincent: where neighbors helped neighbors and all of that. and so when I applied for the job, I says, "First of all, I see this in my work right now, and I think it's a underserved population where most resources in our country tend to go to families and families with children."

I mean, because they look at families and families with children as being an investment, right? And you look at older people as being a cost, right? So nobody wants to think about the cost, but they like to think about investment. So I told, as I was applying to this job, I said, "You know what? I see this work all the time.

This is a underserved area, underserved community. I'd like to make a change there." And then the second reason I was interested was I was self-interested at the time. I was, 55 at the time, or 54 at the time, I guess. I just turned 65. And, the... Everything that I've been working on, for the last, 11 years, I see it manifesting in my life.

I am trying to change my, even my own thinking, 'cause we're all Diane, I think we are all, impacted by ageist messages that come through,

Diane: Yes

Vincent: the media, you know, we, birthday cards. It, whatever it is, right? And we internalize these things, and we don't recognize how harmful it is, and so that's one of the things I wanna try to achieve, is how do we, change the narrative on ageism?

And so that's what I work is, here at Hannon, is about improving the quality of life, and the dignity of older adults, and we do it through a lot of different programs, a lot of them that you've mentioned as well. But I would say that's core to all of our programs is what we try to do is what matters to that senior, okay?

It's not about us coming in on, a white horse and saying, "We think you need this." We try to talk to them about what matters to you. We want you to be the expert on your life. You are the expert on your life, and so we want to be led by that. And so that kind of gets me a little bit into caregiving as well, because oh my gosh, it's that is such a thankless and tough job. It really is.

You never know what you're going to get when you get a caregiver and somebody that they're caring for. You could have one where it's always been a loving relationship there. You can have one where maybe the person you care for used to be your abuser

Diane: Yes

Vincent: or vice versa, right?

Diane: Yeah. Yeah.

Vincent: Or you just have people who's like, "I never imagined that I would have to caregive.

I did not want this job."

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: And now I'm being thrust into it." And so helping people to sort of process and manage through all of those emotions to make certain that everybody in that relationship stays safe, and that everybody can thrive, that's what we're trying to do here at Hannon, is to help older adults and their caregivers like that.

Diane: You know, Vincent, we have a public health crisis here in the country right now. We have more seniors than youths, and we have, for the first time ever, we don't have enough people to take care of our seniors. Our youth are our tax base. They are our workforce. And we're really struggling right now, and my concern is not just for the family caregiver, because the pressures placed on them are beyond what is even humanly possible.

Our medical delivery system is just putting, all the expectations on the family caregiver to provide services and treatments and to be able to observe and respond to, things that were once done by healthcare professionals.

We've had such cuts, and I'm also concerned with the, the childless couples and the, the childless couples and the, solo agers.

They are really. So when I hear about the Hannon Center and what your platform is, I have hope because you are creating a sense of community, and this is so important at a time when social isolation is growing. Now when you hear the word ageism, what does it mean to you, and how does it show up in everyday life for older adults?

Vincent: Wow, that's... I mean, there's a lot to unpack in that question.

Diane: Indeed.

Vincent: But I think the simple thing is with ageism is it's one of the only sort of forms of discrimination that is widely accepted

Diane: Yep

Vincent: and that no one ever questions. Okay?

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: And so sometimes it shows up in very subtle or, nuanced ways perhaps.

For example, you know, I remember, I had a operation, a few years ago, and I was getting off a airplane and I had to move slowly, and I had crutches, right? And I could feel the impatience behind me as people wanted to sort of push. I could feel them bumping up against me and wanting me to move quicker and faster, right?

And so what I think we've done as society is that we've normalized youth Being young, being, able to do whatever you want to do, that's the part that's been normalized, right?

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: But just because we lose some of our capabilities doesn't mean we lose all of our capabilities, and not everybody loses any of their capabilities, until

Diane: Yeah

Vincent: to the very end. And so it's when you get shunted aside, when you get dismissed because of your age. It's when you need somebody to drive you to the, medical clinic for an appointment, and they accompany you in there. But you are sharp, you know exactly what you want to talk about, and the physician, rather than talking with you, talks to the person who brought you, right?

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: That's ageism, right?

Diane: It's- That makes me crazy.

Vincent: Yeah.

Diane: It's it does. It's so disrespectful. There's so... I have so many issues with it. I think at least acknowledge the person that's there. I've done rehab for years, so I've worked with stroke victims, head injuries.

And I really have an issue when somebody has a communication problem, that the physicians don't even acknowledge they exist while they're in the room with them, and they talk over them like they're not even in the room.

Vincent: Yes.

Diane: Yeah, That frustrates the hell out of me. I'm sorry.

Vincent: No, I agree with you. that is so true, and I think, and this is why ageism is harmful. Even when they're doing that

Diane: Yes

Vincent: for that older person, when they see this happening, sometimes they'll acquiesce. They'll say, "Okay, well, let them go ahead and talk to that person," and you're giving up your agency there, right? I remember, taking my mom, to an eye appointment. At the time she was probably in her late 80s, and I took her to an eye appointment, right? Only because she had something done with her eyes. She couldn't drive herself,

And I asked her, "You want me to come in with you?"

She's like, "Yeah, come on in," whatever. And the physician, began talking to me about what she needed to do, her condition, and everything else. And this is where I think we can all be allies. Whether you're older or younger, doesn't matter. I said to the physician, I said, "You know what? My mom understands everything that you're saying.

She is your patient. You should talk to her and ask her those questions."

said. "Because I won't know. I don't know."

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: Right?

Diane: Yes, yes.

Vincent: And so then he began to talk to her then, and then she found her voice again, because she was very willing to acquiesce and just let me handle everything, but that's not what we want in our society.

Diane: No.

Vincent: I think what we want in our society is to everyone continue to be as, to be as self-directed so as they possibly can, and that's where the whole dignity piece comes in.

Diane: You know, Vincent, I'm 73, and I had that incident one time But I'm an old, I'm a crusty old nurse. And I've advocated for people all my life, so I'm, the, I had a situation where I had to have a friend take me in, and I said, "Oh, just come on in with me."

And they started talking to my friend, who knew nothing, and didn't say, "Hey Diane, how you doing?" Or anything. And I just said, "Excuse me. I'm the patient. I'm the one that you want to talk to."

Vincent: Yes.

Diane: And they step back and they look, shocked that, But we have to be able to stand up for ourselves, and I think a lot of Boomer females, forgive me, I know this is gonna cause a hullabaloo, but a lot of females feel, that they've been dismissed all their lives in some way, shape, or form, so that they accept this treatment instead of standing up for themselves. And I hope that my listeners will, pay attention to what we're saying here, that it's really important that a person be able to show, share their voice and their concern, or at least the family caregiver or caregiver advocate or whoever's in the room with the patient, steps up and says, "Please talk to my client.

Please talk to my family member. She's your patient. If I can interject something, I will." But, I think that's really important, to get that s- that taken care of right away when they get in the room.

Vincent: So not to contribute to the hullabu- hullabaloo that you're going to create here. But I think you're absolutely right, because there's this concept called intersectionality, right?

And when you have people with, different identities, you know, whether it's race, whether it's gender, whether it's sexual orientation, whatever the case is, they are already feeling marginalized or dismissed because of one of those, sort of identities, so to speak, right?

And then when they begin to intersect, it even compounds it even more. So as you said, women felt being dismissed all their life. Now they're an older woman, so now they're being dismissed not only because they were female, but they're being dismissed

Diane: Yep

Vincent: because they're older, right?

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: And so we gotta be mindful of that and in, in terms of those of us who work in the industry or who work with older people, we have to be mindful about, what kind of preconceived notions am I bringing here?

When I see an older person in front of me, do I automatically assume some cognitive decline? Do I automatically assume that they won't understand something or that they can't deal with technology, whatever the case is?

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: That they, we have to be cognizant of what we're bringing to the table, and not enough of us who work with older adult populations or have to work with older people, whether that is your focus or not we don't recognize that. And we think, and it's normalized.

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: And we don't... And so when someone gets offended, they still don't understand why that person was offended.

Diane: Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. I see it even in healthcare providers providing care to the elderly. They just assume because a person's in a wheelchair that they are, not able to respond or have any form sense of intelligence.

I have to tell you, I was in a nursing home in Ohio, and I was a passing meds. It was a Hungarian nursing home, and everybody in there spoke Hungarian but me. I was called in as an agency nurse. And this little old man reaches over and tells me how beautiful I am. And he's 98 years old And he spoke seven languages, was reading books, and he said it was so nice to have a conversation.

'Cause I asked him all kinds of questions, 'cause I'm just nosy. And, I asked him a million questions. We got to know each other real well, and he said it was so nice to have a conversation with, a person who was interested in him.

Vincent: Yes. That is so true. Yeah.

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: One of the programs that we do here, we call it 70 Over 70.

and so depending upon where your listeners are from, if you're particularly in a big city that has a Crain's magazine, Crain's does this thing called 40 Under 40, where they recognize, up and coming leaders under the age of 40, and they, want to give them their flowers, so to speak, right?

And so we decided, several years ago to do a spin-off of that called 70 Over 70, where we recognize people over the age of 70 in seven different categories, and then we award, 10 people in each category. That's how you get the 70 there. and don't ask me to name all the categories, but we got art

Diane: I won't

Vincent: art, entrepreneurship, lifetime achievement, lifelong learning, unsung hero. That's five of them. I can't remember the other two, right? But you get the idea that

Diane: Yes

Vincent: we have these different categories, right? So anyway, the story I wanna tell you real quick, 'cause you reminded me of this with the guy in the wheelchair, was that one year, and in each category we pick a top winner in each category, and one year, the guy in this, whatever the category was, and I can't remember, he was our top winner.

This guy was in a wheelchair. He was about 90 years old. He was in a wheelchair. he struggled with feeding himself. You could see that he was spilling food at the banquet, you know, down his shirt and everything, right? Okay. And when he was the top winner, I had to go down, and he was in a wheelchair, and bring him up on stage, right?

So let me tell you why he was the top winner, okay? This guy had researched for probably about 15 years, a, criminal case of a guy whom he thought was innocent of committing murder.

And because of his work, and he was an attorney by training and he was persistent, and he was organized. And so despite his physical abilities, his mind was intact and sharp.

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: And his work helped to exonerate this man that was in prison. His work exonerated him, right?

Diane: Oh my Lord.

Vincent: So when

Diane: That's amazing

Vincent: It is, right?

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: And so when you diminish the abilities of someone who's older simply because of a number and not because of their capabilities

Diane: Yes

Vincent: all right, we lose as a society. We lose these individuals as assets. We lose us. We are older people. We have a lot to bring to the table, and when we're not included in the conversation, the society is less off. There's a saying where, I think it comes from, the World Health Organization and AARP, where you talk about these age friendly communities, and it talks about it needs to work for someone who's two and 92.

If it works for both of those groups, it'll make sense for everybody else in between, right?

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: That's the way we have to look at our society.

Diane: Absolutely. Hey, I'm a 73-year-old semi-retired nurse who is become a podcast host.

Vincent: There you go. There you go.

Diane: And never in my life did I even think that I would be doing this type of a... I didn't have the confidence, but at my age it's oh what do I have to lose? And I

Vincent: Yeah

Diane: I'm nosy so I'm good at talking to people and asking questions. Yeah. Now, you speak about the importance of purpose as people age. Why is purpose so important for

Vincent: Oh

Diane: emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing?

Vincent: Oh my gosh. I mean, again, that's another big question to unpack, right? So let me answer it this way. I don't know, Diane, I'm pretty sure you have, though, heard of blue zones?

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: And so, for your listeners, if you're not familiar with blue zones, these are areas of the world where, you have these populations that live to the age of 100 that are many times what you find in sort of the normal population. So they're all over the world, like Okinawa, Japan is one, and Ikaria, Greece is another. Actually, there's one in this country. Loma Linda, California is a group of a Seventh Day Adventist out in Loma Linda, California.

Diane: Wow.

Vincent: But anyway, you know, there was a researcher that looked at all of these blue zones and was questioning, well, why is it that these areas are living to a have more people that live to the age of 100 than most other parts of the world?

And two of the commonalities, because there are geographic differences, there are diet differences, there are demographic differences, all of that, right? But the two things that, that were common across all of them was, one was they were connected to a community, and that community, used them, I should say, honored them.

They revered them. That's the word I was looking for. They revered them because they were the history for that community. They had the knowledge, they had experience. And they needed them for that. And so those individuals feel needed, okay? And then that ties into your question of purpose, because now every single day they wake up, they know they have a job.

They know that they have something that is needed by that community, right? And so when you have that purpose, when you have something to look forward to every single day, that gives you that drive to want to continue and to go on. you know, my mom when she came to, to live with my wife and I, she was probably in her 70s at the time, and we had just had our first child.

And she offered to come and watch our child, and ended up watching both of our sons as they grew up, while we could work. I couldn't tell you how

Diane: What a blessing.

Vincent: Yeah. It was an incredible blessing. we used a babysitter one time. One time. The one time we used a babysitter, that babysitter had their boyfriend over at our house, right?

So I didn't remember the babysitter.

Diane: Oh, no, no, no.

So never again,

Vincent: right?

Diane: Yeah. Yeah.

Vincent: So anyway, my point is that, you know, Purpose is a driver for us.

And when we have purpose, when we believe that we still have value and things to contribute to society that improves our outlook, and it improves our longevity as well.

Diane: There was a study that was done by a researcher at Harvard University. This is probably, I don't know, maybe about 15 years ago. I think her name was, Levy or Leviny.

Vincent: I can't remember her first name. and she actually testified to Congress about her findings, and she found that people that had positive views about aging on average lived seven to eight years longer than those who had negative views. Okay?

Diane: Wow.

Vincent: So when you have positive views about being older, all right, that means you have hope. You believe that you have things to contribute. That means you have purpose, because that's why you're still here, and you wake up every day excited because you have something that you know others need.

And so that's a long answer to your question about, how does purpose play a role, but that more than anything else I would say is, when we have that drive, when we have a reason to get up every single morning that helps us to stay healthier. It helps us to stay mobile. It helps us to stay connected to the people that we love.

Diane: Absolutely, and one of the things, that I do is I do this to give me a sense of purpose as well.

Vincent: Yeah, yeah.

Diane: I wish I was in a community that had more, senior had a Hannon House, because I would love that. And I love going to different communities when I'm visiting and check out their senior centers.

And, the one in Dunedin, Florida, outside of Dunedin, I think I don't know if it's Tampa or if it's in Dunedin, but that senior center is the most vibrant, active it's like a little city, and everybody's doing everything from they have a gymnasium full of seniors doing exercises like Tai Chi or chair yoga or...

It's just amazing. and that's what I see as we need in our culture and society right now. We need those kind of communities everywhere. But one of the things that, I would like you to address is, what should family caregivers understand about preserving dignity when they are trying to help an aging parent, spouse, or loved one?

Vincent: Yeah, as I think I started out earlier, my gosh, that's such, that is such a hard job, and my heart breaks for some of our caregivers as they're trying to navigate this. But, I guess my advice for caregivers is just because your person that you're caring for needs your help. It doesn't mean that they've lost their identity, their memories.

It doesn't mean that they've lost 100% of all of their capabilities.

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: It's still important to engage them and involve them in the decision making, right? You still wanna put them at the center because, as I said earlier, we are the experts on our own lives.

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: And we have a right as long as we can...

Our, our, and I can talk to this a little bit as well about as long as we have our cognition in place, we have a right, every single person, to make bad decisions

Diane: Thank you. Yeah

Vincent: We got that

Diane: yeah, and Vincent, that is the most difficult thing for adult children to accept from their parents.

Vincent: Yes.

Diane: They want to be the parent of their parent, and

Vincent: I hate that. I hate that

Diane: I do too. I do too. And it's so hard for them to realize, and, the law supports the adult making bad decisions. it's their right, and unless you get them competently, committed for their competency, you can't do anything about it.

And I think that's one of the hardest issues that, adult children face as they're trying to protect their family member from losing money or falling in love or whatever it is. And, it's very challenging. It's one of the most challenging things I think that I see on a consistent basis, with the interactions with family caregivers and their aging loved one.

Vincent: Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. And when it comes to when you're caring for someone that has some form of dementia

Diane: Yep

Vincent: I think it gets compounded even more.

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: Because there's an assumption that person no longer has dreams or hopes

Diane: Yeah

Vincent: that they no longer have emotions, and I think eventually that person begins to internalize, and it seeps into their DNA, where they begin to meet that, that lack of expectation, right?

That you can do some things for yourself or that you do want to make decisions. They can sort of fall back and into that role of, "I'm helpless, I'm hopeless," that kind of thing, right?

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: And what we find at Hannon, we have an adult day program for people that have a dementia diagnosis.

Diane: And, we call it Daybreak, and we call it Daybreak because it gives our caregivers a break throughout the day even though we're now

Diane: Yes

Vincent: 12 hours a day. We are open on weekends as well. And so it not only gives a break to that caregiver, but it also allows the person that needs the care to receive reinforced support we don't force them to do anything.

We still follow the same sort of principle of, even though you may have some cognitive issues, we're only gonna do what you want to do. We will stay with you. So we bring in volunteers, we have interns, we have our staff. And so we may have a group activity, and some people may not want to participate in that group activity.

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: They may want to do something else. So we might do some kind of reminiscing exercise with them, helping them to, talk about their past. We'll engage them in conversation. Just as you said, that gentleman that you spoke with was just so grateful for that.

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: So many of our, of the people in our, adult day program, people don't engage them because they struggle with, the threads of the conversation or being able to remember what was said, just a few seconds ago, right?

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: But if you're talking to them and you don't make that an issue they will continue to engage, and that's something that they need to do.

Diane: Exactly.

Vincent: Yeah.

Diane: Yes. Yes. And it gives them a sense of wellbeing and a sense of purpose that they're still, they're acknowledged, and they're part of a group, and that is something for, that every human needs.

Vincent: Absolutely. We do need that. And I just wish people would recognize the fact that when we're talking about aging we are talking about everyone. Everyone is aging.

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: But we only apply aging to, say, people, say, I don't know, pick a number, 60 and older. All right? And so would we ever say to, the rest of the population, "Well, a 10-year-old is the same as a 40-year-old"?

But we'll say a 60-year-old, we'll lump them in the same group with 90-year-olds.

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: All right? And so it, when you get lumped into that, then those of us who are in that age group, like myself, you know, we're like, "Okay, we don't want to be seen that way."

But by us not wanting to be seen that way, we're also contributing to ageism as well.

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: And we have to embrace our age and says, "You know what? Yes, I'm 65. I'm 73. There are things that I can't do, but a lot of things that I can do," right? And I have a lot to contribute, right? And it's okay to be older. It's okay to have gray hair. It's okay to have wrinkles. It's okay to walk a little bit more slowly.

All right? It's life. And the same kinds of things can happen to younger people as well, and we don't dismiss them. Instead, we try to work with them, right? But for us older folks, we find that we get dismissed. So one thing I would say to your listeners, out there is let's be allies to older people, and if you're an older person, claim it.

Because the more of us that claim being older and say, "Hey, it's okay. I'm okay with how I look. I'm okay with how I walk," and all those other things that people want to stereotype about older people, you still do you as an older person, whatever that looks like for you. 'Cause when you've met one older person, you've only met one older person.

Diane: Exactly. I want to tell you, when I was in my 50s, I was out in California doing a consulting job, and I had the person I was working with tell me... Err. I was mad. Telling me that women of my age, and I was just in my 50s was, were invisible. Now this was a healthcare professional. I was like, my first response was to jump over the desk and choke him.

But my response, I thought, "You ignorant SOB."

Vincent: Yeah. Right.

Diane: I'm sorry. You know? But what I did was I start I turned into a glitter goddess because I thought if I'm gonna be invisible, I, then I have to do things to make people see me. And it became

Vincent: I love it

Diane: It became a joke around my friends because, I would wear glittery things and look absurd.

I didn't care. I just wanted, I was making a point. I'm not invisible, and in fact, several of my friends were in New York City, we're in the, on the West Side. We're, having breakfast at a English pub type place, and in the bathroom were, chalkboards. And my, my friends went in and put, "The glitter goddess was here."

So, you know, you have to have fun with, aging, and not look at it as it's a curse and not look at it as, we are declining, but we still have purpose. We still have meaning. I love what you do. So Vincent, I wanna thank you so much for joining me today and the important work you're doing at Hannon Center.

For the seniors listening today who may feel unseen, isolated, or unsure of their purpose, what message would you most want them to hear?

Vincent: Message I would want them to hear most is you do you.

Diane: Yes.

Vincent: No matter what that is. You defy those expectations that you've been taught about what it means to be older.

Yeah. Just like you did when you became a Glitter Goddess, right?

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: Because there's an expectation that older people dress and look a certain way, or they

Diane: Yeah

Vincent: shouldn't do certain things because

Diane: Exactly

Vincent: you're older, right?

Diane: Yep.

Vincent: All right? And so I m I, again, so the real quick story is, like, I used to do martial arts.

I did it from I was about 50 up till about 61, right? And I would go to my doctor, and I would says, "Doctor, I'm doing martial arts and everything. My hip bothers me. is there anything we can do about the hip?" And then he would tell me, "Well, stop martial arts," right? No. Right? But that is that's so wrong.

Diane: That's so no, no, no.

Vincent: Exactly. It is the wrong thing to do, right? So that's why I'm saying to your listeners, you do you. If it brings you joy

Diane: Yeah

Vincent: and if you can do it safely

Diane: Yep

Vincent: without harming yourself

Diane: Yes

Vincent: then continue to do it. don't not do it because people say older persons should not do this.

Diane: Exactly.

Vincent: If you can do this safely, go ahead and do it.

Diane: Exactly.

Vincent: And that's how we begin to change this narrative out there that older people are in this one little box.

Diane: Yeah.

Vincent: We are diverse, as diverse as the general population, and let's do us, and let's keep being out there. Let's age out loud.

Diane: Yes.

And if anybody can do age out loud better than any other generation, it'll be the baby boomers.

Vincent: Yeah, there we go. You're right.

Diane: We can. We are go we've changed the world on how

Vincent: Yes

Diane: it perceives so many things, we will go out trying, and we will do it loud and proud.

Vincent: There we go. Yes.

Diane: Thank you so much, Vincent, for your time.

I really appreciate what you and what you're accomplishing at Hannon Center. How do people reach out and find you or learn more about Hannon Center?

Vincent: So they can look at us a couple ways. We have an Instagram page. You'll see a lot of great information on there. It's called Hannon Center on Instagram. Same thing on Facebook. our website is Hannon, H-A as in apple, N as in Nancy, N as in Nancy, A as in apple, N- N as in Nancy.org. So that's our website, Hannon.org. And then for those who are local or even if you just wanna find out, 'cause some of our classes are actually virtual. You can take our classes, right?

But you can reach out to us at 313-833-1300.

Diane: Great. Again, thank you. I love what you're doing. I hope some of the seniors out there or, healthcare professionals out there that listen to this will reach out to you and maybe develop a program like yours in their community

Vincent: Oh, thank you

Diane: in their own community because, you are a, an example to the rest of us of what we need as we age.

So thank you so much.

Vincent: Thank you for having me, Diane. This has been a pleasure.

Diane: To my family caregivers out there, you are the most important part of the caregiving equation. Without you, it all falls apart. So please learn to be gentle with yourself. Practice self-care every day because you are worth it.