No One Talks About This: The Hidden Stages Every Caregiver Experiences with Dr. Regina Koepp - Episode 175
In this deeply personal and enlightening episode of the Caregiver Relief Podcast, host Diane Carbo, RN, sits down with Dr. Regina Koepp, a Stanford-trained board-certified clinical psychologist and geropsychologist. Together, they pull back the curtain on the emotional journey no one prepares you for: the developmental stages of being a caregiver.
Whether you are just starting to help a parent with finances or you are in the thick of 24/7 care, this episode offers a roadmap for your heart and mind.
📍 What We Cover in This Episode
- The 6 Developmental Stages of Caregiving: A breakdown of the journey from "Pre-Caregiver" to "Rebuilding" your life after loss.
- The Reality of "Ambiguous Loss": Understanding the grief that occurs when a loved one is physically present but fundamentally changed, often seen in dementia care.
- Breaking the Stigma: Why depression and anxiety are not a normal part of aging and how to seek professional help.
- The "Fire" Quote: A powerful reminder that you aren't required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
📋 The 6 Stages of the Caregiving Journey
1. The Pre-Caregiver Stage Before care is needed, you and your loved one are independent adults. The goal here is to optimize your relationship and take stock of family dynamics before a crisis hits.
2. The Ambiguous Caregiver Stage This is the "now I’m helping, now I’m not" phase, common in early dementia. It is filled with uncertainty about when to step in and when to back off, and Dr. Koepp recommends working with professionals during this stage to get medical clarity.
3. The Caregiver Stage There is no denying the role anymore. You are providing hands-on support, such as help with toileting, dressing, or finances. This stage requires "scaffolding"—building a support team of friends, family, and resources like Meals on Wheels.
4. The Steward Stage Often occurring at the end of life or when a loved one becomes nonverbal, you become the protector of their wishes and an advocate for their rights.
5. The Bereaved Stage Following the death of a loved one, you process the loss of the person and the sudden "vacancy" of your caregiving role. You may feel "dethroned" if your primary identity was tied to their care.
6. The Rebuilding Stage This is the conscious process of reclaiming your life and choosing how to fill the time and space left behind after caregiving ends.
💡 Key Takeaway for You
"You're not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." — Dr. Regina Koepp.
✨ Why You Should Listen
If you have ever felt guilty for losing your temper, resentful of your responsibilities, or isolated by your role, this episode is a professional guide and a warm hug rolled into one. Dr. Koepp and Diane share their own raw histories with caregiving, proving that no one should have to do this alone.
🔗 Connect with Dr. Regina Koepp
- Instagram: @drreginakoepp
- LinkedIn: Regina Koepp, PsyD, ABPP
- Facebook: Dr. Regina Koepp
- Website: mentalhealthandaging.com
Don't do this alone. 💜 Click the player above to listen to the full conversation and learn how to protect your mental health while caring for the ones you love.
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