From Panic Buttons to Virtual Caregivers: The Evolution of Senior Safety with Dot Boyd - Episode 127

In this truly futuristic episode, host Diane Carbo is joined again by Dot Boyd, a Senior Safety Consultant, Caregiver Champion, and Fall Prevention Coach.

They're diving deep into a groundbreaking technology called Addison, a 3D animated virtual caregiver designed to help seniors age safely and independently at home. This isn't science fiction; it's a real tool that provides interactive and proactive support, connecting to Bluetooth medical devices to manage everything from diabetes to post-surgical rehab.

As Diane and Dot discuss, this technology is arriving at a critical time. With unprecedented numbers of unsafe discharges from hospitals and a shortage of healthcare professionals, tools like Addison are becoming essential for providing peace of mind to long-distance and working caregivers.

But what makes it different from an Alexa? And how does it handle a senior who is "stubborn" and doesn't like technology? Listen to the full episode to find out!

In This Episode, We Explore:

• What is Addison? 🤖
  • It's a 3D animated, interactive, and proactive virtual caregiver that lives in smart health homes.
  • Crucially, Dot and Diane emphasize that it is designed to support, not replace, the essential human touch.
• Beyond Alexa & Panic Buttons 🗣️
  • Learn why passive smart speakers fall short for senior safety, especially for those who can't speak due to a fall, stroke, or aphasia.
  • Addison actively reminds users to take medications and vitals. If a task is missed, it alerts the care team or family.
• True Connected Care 🩺
  • Addison integrates with Bluetooth medical devices, including a blood pressure cuff, pulse oximeter, glucometer, weight scale, spirometer, and non-contact thermometer.
  • This data provides a clear picture for doctors, health coaches, and family members, ending the "last-minute sticky note" problem before a doctor's visit.
• More Than Just Medical 🧠
  • It's not all serious! Addison supports emotional and cognitive well-being with games, puzzles, solitaire, and brain exercises to create new neural pathways.
  • It also features guided exercises, like "A Matter of Balance" chair exercises, to help with physical rehab.
  • (Plus, you can change the avatar... and Diane and Dot have a fun chat about the "sexy" male voice option! 😂)
• Solving Real-World Problems 🏡
  • This technology is a game-changer for long-distance caregivers who feel intrusive calling five times a day.
  • It provides a vital support system to help seniors coming home after shortened, 11- to 20-day rehab stays.
• Navigating Family Dynamics 🤔
  • What about tech-phobic parents? Dot explains how the system is designed for simplicity, using voice activation and simple prompts.
  • Dot and Diane discuss the hard, honest conversations caregivers must have about setting boundaries and using tools to preserve their own lives and careers.

Advanced Safety Solutions for Seniors at Dot Store

Shop Dot For Senior Safety for trusted safety devices and educational tools designed to help seniors live independently and securely. Browse our reliable solutions for peace of mind and enhanced senior safety across the United States.

A Reminder for You, the Caregiver

To my family caregivers out there: You are the most important part of the caregiving equation. Without you, it all falls apart. Please learn to be gentle with yourself. Practice self-care every day, because you are worth it.

Podcast Episode Transcript

Diane: Welcome back to the Caregiver Relief Podcast, where we explore innovations that make life better for caregiver and aging adults. I'm Diane Carbo rn, your host and fellow advocate for Aging with Dignity and independence.

Diane: Today I'm thrilled to be joined again by dot Boyd senior safety consultant.

Caregiver champion and fall prevention coach. If you caught our last episode, you know how passionate thought is about helping older adults live safely at home. This time, she's introducing us to something truly futuristic and absolutely real. It's called Addison, A 3D animated virtual caregiver that lives in smart health homes.

Addison is interactive. Proactive and connected to Bluetooth medical devices to help manage everything from diabetes to post-surgical rehab without place replacing the human touch. This conversation is going to change how you think about what's possible for aging in place. Welcome back. Dot. I'm real excited about this.

I recently did a podcast with,on dementia care at home, and they were talking about therapy at home, and I thought, oh my God, now I know what Addison does. since we last spoke, you've been diving even into more cutting edge tools for aging in place. What was your first reaction when you learned about Addison?

Dot: I have to say, because I've been representing electronic caregiver products for over seven and a half years, I've been talking about Addison ever since I started Uhhuh, and I was like, when are we gonna have Addison? It was all this excitement brewing and, the CEO of the company just wanted.

Really run her through her paces, right? Uhhuh, make sure everything was all set to go, multiple, tests and you name it. I, I've, let me just say this. I had no clue what an avatar was really in a, this kind of thing, right? And I'm not sure how I would explain it. Maybe you could do it better, but I'm of a generation where, a fax machine was a big deal, or you're answering machine at home right when you phone.

These kinds of things were big innovations in their day. seeing what Addison can do to help someone really reach their health goals and their independence goals and so forth. yeah, I was pretty blown away. I, every time there's an update, wow, look at that. it's raining where I am today.

off and on. So it even shows on the, on my demonstration tablet that it's raining when it starts raining again.

Diane: Oh, wow. Wow. it's bright and sunny here in Myrtle Beach, so we're, I'm blessed right now. we just missed a hurricane, so we're really feeling lucky. Oh, good. For those unfamiliar, can you explain what Addison is and how she functions as a virtual caregiver?

Dot: Yeah. and I really wanna start by saying, and you already mentioned it, the human touch can never be replaced. Absolutely not. Absolutely. We are human beings. We are social. We need connection. We need, yes, we need real live people in our lives. However, we don't have them in our lives 24 7 or maybe we don't want them in our lives.

24 7. Yes. Yes. And as we age, a lot of older folks feel like they're being babysat by their kids. They got helicopter kids, right? There's the helicopter parents now there's helicopter kids. Yeah. And if we can do something that would relieve the pressure of. Everyone involved, so the adult kids from worrying so much about mom or dad when they're home alone or, the older adults, trying to get the kids off their back, calling them five times a day to make sure they're still breathing and upright.

Yes. I'm being a little extreme there, but, oh, I know both extremes. I'm very familiar with them both. it, it's true. it's true because, I've worked with so many families. Adult kids are really worried and older adults act like they're not. Deep down, it might be if they really thought about some of their vulnerabilities or concerns, right?

Uhhuh, how long am I gonna live? Am I gonna, am I gonna be able to hold onto my independence? am I gonna have comfort? am I gonna belong and be, connected in a, in the world? And will I be understood? All of these things. So I think that, Addison can fill that gap. when, People are alone and some people are alone. An awful lot. Yes.

Diane: what I think of is families are all over the country or even all over the world. And I've had a man from Switzerland called me, about his mother in California and what could I do for her now, this was 10 years ago.

And I actually, he flew me from Texas where I was at the time. To California, and I spent a week with her trying to get everything organized for him. But I can see this as the perfect product for anybody who's either a working caregiver or a long distance caregiver because it's just gonna give you peace of mind knowing what's going on.

and not feeling like you're intrusive into your family member's life, your older family member's life.

Dot: Because, we all get to a certain age and the last time we wanted someone telling us what to do, right? Yeah. all stubborn that way, I don't care. We're two years old or 102, we all have that stubborn streak of, Hey, I got here by my, I got to this point.

Quit bugging me, quit telling me what to do all the time. Yet there is that concern, okay, how do I know that mom or dad are taking their medications on time? Yes. How? How do I know that their checking, maybe it's blood pressure or blood sugar, or their oxygen levels or something depending on their chronic condition.

How does everybody know that this is happening? Rather than, okay, it's time for that doctor's appointment. Okay. It's two days from now. I better start taking my bp, right? I better start taking the vitals and I got 'em on sticky notes and I go to the doctor and it's all just a chaotic mess.

Yeah. And it's clear to everyone that,I did my homework at the last minute.

Diane: it's funny, my, I was visiting a friend who's traveling from New Jersey to Florida, so she stopped here in Myrtle Beach. She's an rn, so we were visiting and, she had to take her blood pressure. She says, I have to take my blood pressure because it goes directly to my doctor's office now.

And I,she, hers was a little high, so she says, come here. What's your blood pressure? And I said, I'm, I usually run low. She had me use hers. She's cheating. She was cheating. She said, yeah, and I'm so bad because I'll be a i'll. For be the codependent person and say, oh, sure, let's help you.

you're not gonna believe it. The pulse is 64. They're not gonna believe you. But being an rn,

Dot: if hers was really in trouble, you'd know it's in

Diane: Oh, yeah. And you, what we're, you're the worst kind of patients too. Oh, tell me

Dot: about it. My retired nurses are my most stubborn clients.

Diane: Oh, I resemble that remark. Yeah, we

Dot: talked about that last time too. There's this feeling of, you were always in control of every

Diane: situation. yes. And we don't like not being in control anymore.

Dot: That's true. So we are

Diane: terrible patients.

Dot: I know. I have to tell you, it's, it's astonishing really, because nurses know better.

Diane: we do, and I will tell you, I just recently had an outpatient test done and,I had to have a, an endoscopy, so they had to put me out. And I initially told them, listen, you guys, I'm a nurse. And they go, oh, because they're all, I had five RNs around me. They're going, oh, no. Oh, not you. Not us. I said, yeah.

I said I, I'll try to be compliant, but it doesn't come easy to me. And they all laughed.

Dot: You don't have to. I'm sorry to interrupt. How do you reconcile that with years of telling people that we need to monitor this, you need to do this when you go home and here's the plan. I mean

Diane: is I, you know what? I just know people are gonna do what they wanna do and I've had so many experiences where.

The patients will absolutely lie to the doctor or the nurse about what they're doing, how they're doing it, when they're doing it. And I was actually in an ER with my friend that, had a stroke while we were driving. She was driving and I got her right to the. Er, she, it was a trans ischemic attack, a, a a.

And what happened was, she's sitting there telling the doctor, yeah, I checked my blood pressure and my blood sugars every day. And I said to him, excuse me, in front of her, she's not telling the truth. He goes, he puts his hand up and says, quiet to me. I wanna hear what she's saying. And I went out there and I said, everything she told you is a lie.

Everything. And if he didn't wanna hear it from me and I thought, how can you be? I said, I know her. I'm a nurse. I know. And, the doctors sometimes it, this was an ER doc did not wanna hear what I had to say. I was astonished by that because I knew that she was taking extra insulin when she had extra sugar.

Oh gosh. all of those things. So it's just frustrating. But you know what, it's human nature. People are going to do what they feel they need to do because a lot of people out of, Anxiety and fear of losing their independence or having to move into a nursing home will do anything to deny, delay, and even lie to the doctor, even though their physical condition and their medical wellbeing is deteriorating.

Yes. And that's what I love about Addison. it just makes, it helps you stay straight and on, on the straight and narrow. when you don't wanna be. So what makes Addison different from traditional medical alert systems or smart speakers like Alexa?

Dot: Oh yeah. and Alexa and things like that.

And, the basic, smart watches and things. they have their place. they do for some people, but they don't really go that extra mile if somebody really wants to stay on top of their health, but you could call out to Alexa, call emergency, right? Call my husband, something like that.

As long as you're, you have a voice, because there's nothing saying that if we're having a stroke or we've taken a bad fall, that we don't have the wind knocked out of us and we can't speak. So then what? Yes. For folks with aphasia, how is Alexa gonna know what you're saying? yes. So there have to be some things that are built in.

So if people really want to take a look at, okay, my worst fear is losing my independence. Am my kids yanking me outta here and sticking me in some nursing home, right? That's a nursing home, right? Yeah. That's the big, that's the fear. That's the elephant in the room. So we're all kind of shaving off information about falls about.

near misses, heart issues, AFib, whatever it might be. So with Addison, a person would, would actually work with the customer support team and the health coaches at electronic caregiver and set up the care plan. let's talk about what are your goals, what are the health conditions so that.

With the virtual caregiver, and I can show you how that works. Then, you get a, you can pick which vitals tracking devices you might need based on your chronic conditions.

Diane: Yes,

Dot: and they're very, they're all Bluetooth, and I know a lot of people might not know what that means, but it basically, it means you hold up the device and you tell Addison, or you push a button that says vitals, take vitals now.

Then the machine recognizes what that device you're holding and connects takes a reading, and then send, saves it in the mo what's, in the apparatus. And the coaches can see it. Family members who are on the emergency call list can see the info. So there's no getting around the fact that Addison reminded you it's time to take your blood pressure reading.

Diane: Yes.

Dot: And she gives you a couple of times to snooze it, but if you don't do it. there's a, there's information sent to people to let them know you didn't do it. And the same way if you don't take your medications Because that's a lot of what happens to people who know this as an rn. They come out of the hospital and, the discharge planners are very busy and they're not in the know about the latest innovations and technology to support someone's success at home.

But they're just hoping the family will do what they need to do and the patient stays on task. Yes. Come back in two weeks and then we'll see where we are. Right?

Diane: Yep.

Dot: the poor doctors looking at this person has no information for two weeks, how they've been doing. And they might lie.

Like your friend. Yeah. Or like me, a daughter. I never knew when I wanted to say how great mom was doing or how terrible she was doing because it would feel like a failure if mom wasn't doing well and edit it and Right. And then, but then I wanted to be honest and she was quiet. So if you have data.

That says, okay, every morning we're checking blood pressure and taking our meds, or whatever it might be. That's a start, and it can also show, oh dear, something's changing. And if you know what happens, medications get changed, and people don't always react very well. Yes. all sorts of terrible things can happen, but if there's a daily monitoring and various check-ins, then it would be caught very quickly that something's amiss here.

Blood pressure's now way too low or way too high. Yes. Or patient has fallen and she's never fallen before. Is this making her dizzy? What's going on here? Yes,

Diane: exactly. I, I really like that. I have a, like a way I said my girlfriend was taking her blood pressure and it was, that's a Bluetooth thing where it went automatically.

Now here she is in Myrtle Beach, going to sending it to her New Jersey doctor. so I, I was thinking, with the, what Dr. Ken Monaghan was talking to me about dementia care at home and rehab is. They actually have rehab devices now that they send home to the patient and it has a computer in it.

And that computer will tell you what time the, what time that piece of equipment was used, how many times it was used. So you can't lie, they'll be ways to cue you to say, Hey, you didn't do enough. Try one more time, or whatever. and I thought, oh my gosh. We have to do that 'cause we have a shortage of doctors, a shortage of specialists, a shortage of allied healthcare professionals, and we're in trouble.

So these things have to be put in place. That's why I love this program. So what types of blue tooth connected devices integrate with Addison and how do they help with chronic care management?

Dot: So there are I think seven, six or seven. I'll go through the list 'cause I don't wanna Okay. Miss out on any of them.

And there's fun stuff that Addison does and there's cognitive stimulation she does. So there, it's more than just health monitoring, but health monitoring is really what gets people's attention. Yes. Because we all know as we age, we better keep track of our numbers 'cause. Yes. Either because we wanna, or because everybody's telling us do it or else, right? Yep. So it, you have the ability to, monitor blood pressure.

Diane: Uhhuh. It's

Dot: got the pressure cuff, it has the pulse oximeter.

Diane: Okay.

Dot: a non-contact thermometer, s spirometer, a weight scale, and a glucometer for, blood. Oh,

Diane: wow.

Dot: Wow. So all any of those can be added. A comms bundled with two, of a person's choice, which is very nice, but sometimes people need more than that.

Wow. Just really depends on their chronic condition. Yeah.

Diane: yes. can Addison recognize and interact with multiple users in the same household?

Dot: Each person would have their own Addison account, so how it works so that a person has, Real, coverage throughout the house. They would have multiple tablets and I'll show you.

So this is just a demo unit, so it's not, it's more of a computer, but there she is.

Diane: And she, we have an avatar on the screen. you'll have to sh do you have a video of that you can share? I can put on the, yeah. Page. 'cause this is just audio right now.

Dot: Yeah, it's just audio. Yeah. but with Addison, if I say her name, she starts to listen.

Hey, Addison. And then options come up. See, and I could say take five. Oh, wow. Yeah. I could do all sorts of things. And so if I'm going to, take a vital, then it asks me which one, and then the Bluetooth, I pick up that device. But I forget your question. When I know you had a question and I think I went off track

Diane: and you have multiple users in that same pool, and how does that work?

They would each have to have their own account. They

Dot: have their own account. And there are multiple Addison avatars set up throughout the house so that a person you've got in the kitchen, the bedroom, various areas, because she's voice activated, you can even tell her emergency.

You could push a button that you're wearing and call emergency. Or, you, or do voice activated. So there's a choice either way, right? You wanna have 'em throughout the house for that. and yeah, so two people, they might, they would have their own accounts because it'd be their own health profile okay.

And all of that. But, quite possibly that's similar. it'd be the same device. It might, they might just have to flag him as his and hers type of thing.

Diane: With the changes in Medicare reimbursement, we are seeing unprecedented numbers of unsafe discharges to home because facilities are not no longer getting reimbursed for providing therapy.

So what used to be a hundred days of therapy in a skilled. Or re skilled unit or rehab is now whittled down to 20 days, or if you're on managed care, 11 to 14. So I'm seeing people come home that are truly unsafe, and the families don't know what to do. And I see this is a real big solution to many because, we need that extra help and support.

We don't know what we don't know. because I'm a nurse, of course I know. But, the technology is here to keep us safer and provide information to others when we don't know what we're looking for or don't know how to respond to different things.

Dot: Exactly. I used to hear the term a couple years ago, connected care, and I didn't.

I just thought that was just one more term. What does that mean? Oh, just another new name, new fancy name for something. But I really have come to understand that connected care really does mean that people in the know, see your numbers, they see what's going on you. And with Addison, there's even a survey, oh, she's listening.

Again, alternative to privacy. there's a survey just on how you're feeling today.

Diane: yes.

Dot: That's immediately sent to the health coaches, for Addison, so that it can be interaction. Awesome. and it also comes with telemedicine. So a person can call in with symptoms and talk about things because we all know that really nobody wants to go to the hospital.

We don't wanna go to the emergency department if we don't have to. It's a big ordeal. And so anything we can do at home to,get information, maybe even a proper diagnosis to understand, oh no, this is emergent. You better get, get over there now. And yes. Versus, oh, this, you can wait and see your doctor on Monday, but it always happens Friday night or Saturday.

Oh,

Diane: absolutely. Inevitably, it's always over the weekend when you can't get help. So I understand that. And then they wanna go, I call it a doc in a box, they go to the Urgent Cares and they're not prepared to handle a lot of things. I'm sorry, I call them Doc in a box, and I, you just can't.

I don't feel comfortable with the, with some of the issues that people have that are being sent home. I recently had a person who had problems walking. And they took him to a dock in a box and they sent him home. the next day he was totally paralyzed and,he had to be admitted to the ho by ambulance to the hospital to have emergency spinal surgery.

But they miss a lot of things. And it's not their fault, it's just that they're not as trained or alert as a specialist would be. And the other thing is. We have made healthcare so specialized and specific where once we had an orthopedic surgeon that would do all of your bones, now we've got one for the feet, one for the fingers, one for the wrist.

it's just ridiculous. So we don't have a holistic approach anymore. And I think that's, that is, a problem with the doc in the boxes that I've, had people go to see. Now, how does Addison support not just physical health, but also behavioral and emotional wellbeing?

Dot: I love the fact that she's interactive and she can be fun.

Diane: yes.

Dot: you can change the house she's in. You can change the room she's in. She can be at the beach. she's, there's little things on the screen, Uhhuh that you can touch and they come to life. There's cats and dogs. she's watering your plants. so there's, just some kind of fun stuff.

that way. There's also, there's games. There's some things, oh,

Diane: that's awesome. There's

Dot: puzzles. There's a brain game there. You can even do solitaire. there's just, a lot of, different things and things get added all the time. I don't even know how to place. Those things

Diane: are really important because you need to keep walking and for dementia prevention or to even slow a dementia process, doing something new or different every day is really important, even if it's just using your left hand instead of your dominant hand to, to feed and write for a day.

it's just. Creating new neural pathways. So I really like that. I just want her to be sassy and fun with me. sassy

Dot: and fun, actually can be a man too. So you can change the avatar,to your liking. And I have to admit, there's this one, when they, when his voice goes with us, like what is.[00:24:00]

Can I say this on your pockets? He's sexy. Absolutely.

Diane: Absolutely. That's the one I want.

Dot: The first time I switched over to him and he said hello. I'm like, so I have fun with that one when I demonstrate him, because he is, yes.

Diane: Why

Dot: not, right?

Diane: Oh, you know what? We're old. We're not dead.

Exactly. Exactly. People and enjoy a fun, male voice. So you, I know, right? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. You mentioned care coordination. Can Addison connect to family members or care teams to share updates or alerts?

Dot: Yes, that's absolutely the way it works. So a person there is a mobile app that they can look and see the, the readings, the vitals readings And that sort of thing. the person on the emergency call may get a call from the health coach. saying, here's what's happening, as long as permissions have been given. and interestingly enough too, so built in there are, it's all very HIPAA compliant, so if I'm going to, if it reminds me to take a medication A camera comes up and I've put my face there so that Addison knows it's me and it's verified. And then you can see that I'm taking my medications, for instance, and the same, I wanna see my vitals history, same thing. So you can't cheat. so all of that is very helpful for families 'cause they realize, okay, we, they've thought a few things so families can see what's going on.

and interact. I think that's a wonderful thing. and then also, just real quick, there are exercises. So the matter of balance class type exercises, chair, exercise. Good. That's all good. And she's taught you through it and you can see the visual at the same time. It's really nice.

Diane: I'm gonna get off topic here for a minute, but there's a movie, Frank and the Robot, and he has dementia.

He has early stage dementia, and he, his family gets him this robot. Frank was a con man, and when I'm thinking, when you're saying that they're gonna interact with us and stuff, I'm thinking, Frank got the robot to. Break into a bank and he did the, he did the opposite.

that's one of my favorite movies because, I always think of, Frank coerced the robot into doing something he shouldn't be doing. and I could see people trying to do that. I,

Dot: and it does come with chat gt in it with some guardrails. Yes. Certain topics are not.

are eliminated or, there's guardrails on so that there's no harm. but yeah. And even that is helpful for people who wanna know stuff, right? Yes. Wanna have Yes, absolutely. Kind a bonus thing.

Diane: Yes. Now, is Addison help for people with mild cognitive impairment or early stage dementia?

Dot: I think so.

I think that because she's voice activated,

Diane: Uhhuh.

Dot: There's there if someone is still wanting to talk and connect and watch things on a screen, Uhhuh, interact a little bit. I think so. I think it also will show the family that there's some interaction. So there's a little bit there.

when it comes to, as with cognitive impairment. We're all on that spectrum and with all of the different devices I have, families are never quite sure if it's gonna work. And so sometimes we just give it a whirl to see. Because you really don't know. people will surprise you, right?

With the right tool, the right thing,

Diane: 100%. Even people in the early stages of dementia, given the proper directions and tools,here's a perfect example. I'll tell you right now. When they do the mini mental status exam, there are many people in the middle stages of dementia that. Absolutely knock it out of the park when they take that test and it makes the families crazy.

In fact, I just recently had an example of that. I have a client,that,her wife clearly has the beginnings of dementia. She's in the. Bordering on early to middle behavior issues, spending a lot, getting angry, easily, having to be coax to do things. And they took her to the doctor. She did a mini mental.

And she passed and they're saying, she doesn't have dementia. What does she have? I said,whoa. nope. People don't understand. A mini mental should be given at as a baseline at that first one is always baseline, so it should be given in our fifties. Really forties or fifties and then follow us through our lifetime.

But there are other tests and I told them, you look for the slums test. It's the St. Louis University mental Status exam that picks up the early signs of dementia. And she went back to the doctor and 'cause. I have to tell you, doctors don't know everything about dementia. they're still learning and it's not something they see all the time.

they're seeing it more now, but they still don't understand it. and a lot of families learn more about dementia than a lot of doctors. And I'll just come right out and say it's true. she went to the doctor and says, my nurse. Care manager tells me, we need to do a slums test.

And he says, I don't think, we need to do that. And she, we did the test and he, she took him, took the results, and he goes, oh, so now he does a different, another mini mental, and she failed. And it was just within a month.

Dot: Because you saw the signs there. Don't you think two doctors are so afraid of this topic just like they are?

Diane: And the other thing is you only get paid 15 minutes for a visit. And in that time they're supposed to talk about the what's going on, assess, treat, write the prescriptions and orders or whatever. So they really don't have time. And unless you are a person that is advocating for yourself or your family member, a lot gets missed.

I, I can tell you right now.

Dot: I think so too. and if you think about it, how many doctors are retiring? So we have new doctors, like new to us, right As patient.

Diane: Absolutely.

Dot: Trying to let them know who you are and what's normal for you and what you're concerned about versus what they think you should be concerned about.

Could be two different things. Absolutely right. Yep. They've got this list and I've got a list and the two don't match.

Diane: Exactly. And that's one thing I encourage every family, caregiver or senior that's going to the doctors have your list ready. Tell them what you wanna put it in. Concise pay, take a paper and.

Check, go down the checklist because you may miss something, but you're not gonna get it addressed and you don't wanna take a lot of time dilly dallying around telling stories and stuff like that. It's hard because people, some people, the only interaction they may get for the whole week is their doctor's appointment and And it's really sad, that's why again, I think Addison is incredibly awesome because the interaction of seniors is so limited. Social interaction is so limited. We really do have a public health crisis when that, about that issue. And, it's only gonna get worse with a silver tsunami. what are some of the biggest concerns families have about using virtual caregivers and how do you address those?

Dot: the first thing that we always hear is Mom doesn't like technology

Diane: Uhhuh.

Dot: Dad? Dad has, doesn't even have a smartphone. my parents won't do this. My parents won't do that. Because I work so often with the adult kids, daughters and daughters-in-law primarily. Yep. They've already been getting pushback from everything, and I think it's because in part, because,I don't care how old a parent is. Let's just say dad's 80.

Diane: And

Dot: the daughter is 50.

And she's trying to tell dad what to do. He's about 40 in his mind and she's about 16. Or do the math. I'm probably all wrong on the math, but you get it. Yeah, I get it, mom. It's the younger self is driving the decisions.

Yeah. And the younger self is looking at his daughter, you're, you barely know how to drive. What are you telling me what to do? Yeah. and it isn't, that has nothing to do with cognitive decline. That just has to do with the fact that internally, we're the same people. Pretty much for every decade of life we haven't changed that much.

Diane: Exactly. you know when you start going back to caring for family members, you all the old roles that you played when you were a kid or there, if you were the bossy big sister, that's me. Yes. Or you were the middle child that was ignored, or you were the baby that fussed and got everything they wanted because they made a scene.

I mean that you still carry that label to this day. Whether you been, and you may not have been around them for 20 years, except for inter, small interactions, not long periods of time, and all of a sudden you're there and you've got, everybody fighting and arguing and saying things like, you hit me.

Were. Yeah, don't look at me that way. Don't look at me that way. You crossed the line in the backseat of the car. Exactly. And those old roles play. And the same with the parents. They see those old roles that they have had when we were younger and they still think, they think, especially the moms and dads, a lot of them feel like they need to take, be the ones to be strong and take care of, and it's really hard.

For somebody to, it's a personal growth experience to expect someone to accept care and I know I'm guilty of that as well, and it's, I keep working on that. I keep telling my son, I say, Casey, I'm trying to, I'll try to be a good girl. Try right. but I'm not promising anything.

Yeah.

Dot: No promises son. He knows that. He knows that by now. I, he does. I do think, and this isn't personally at you, because of my experience and I'm always really nice. So I'm, I do tell scary stories. I tell real stories about real people. Yes. Absolutely no wearable on no, no nothing.

To be able to get emergency help contact family because they relied on the phone, and that when you fall or break a hip, that phone's nowhere to be found. So I do talk those stories, but otherwise I'm not pushy with people. But I think that older adults being really stubborn about. Meeting halfway.

Finding a way to yes. Okay. I agree. I think families need to talk about mom, dad, what are your goals? Are you trying to stay living in this home you've owned for 50 years? Yeah. And the answer's yes. To say, okay, let's talk to some experts to see what you need to do, how we put that in place. You can stay here longer than you could if you didn't do these things right.

Absolutely. So I think if we start from that goals place, but, but the. The thing that I think is really tough, and I can never say this to, a potential client. But an older adult is being rather selfish and thinking, again, this, I'm not pointing a finger at you. I may be the same way one day, but the fact that we have a lot of women living alone in this country, right?

yes. Majority of my clients are women living alone. They've either outlive their husbands or they're divorced and they're very independent, and, that's all wonderful and all that. I recognize that in myself, even though I'm married, The issue is the kids are at home worrying. Did is mom okay?

Did she get to bed? Okay. Did dad get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and fall? And we can't call him at 3:00 AM and see if he's okay.

Diane: Yeah. And he

Dot: doesn't know we're worried about him. He could be just having a good night's sleep or he could be suffering on the floor and the kids are like, oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. And so I think what happens in my mind is what I see is, hey, older folks are being a little bit selfish. 'cause you're stubborn. Yeah. And your kids are worried and they have a right to worry. But you have a right to your independence and doing things the way you want to. It's

Diane: a fine,

Dot: there has to be a discussion.

I tell people sometimes daughters. You know what, tell your folks that this will do it for you. Like that you need this. They may not need it, but you need it 'cause

Diane: you, I just come right out and tell the family caregiver look, your mom and dad are being selfish. And you have to understand that.

And if we're in a family meeting, I will address that and say, I know what your goals are as a seniors. I relate to that, but. they also are, and family caregivers don't realize this and or don't acknowledge it. They have a right to their own lives. They have a right to, be able to go out and do things and not have to worry about their parents.

and they, a lot of, adult children feel terribly guilty about everything, and it's because, and the parents, but I too encourage them. You have to have. A conversation. You have to have goals. And I have, I encourage every family caregiver to put a family caregiver contract in place and that way they know and they have to, and they hate this, so many hate it.

They're insulted, I'm sorry, but it's necessary, be able to say, I can do this. But you become incontinent. I can't provide that care. It's uncomfortable for me. I won't provide intimate care if you become aggressive. I have to put you in a home because I'm not, I can't worry about my safety if you become sexually inappropriate.

I need to feel safe and not be, feel, worried about being violated. And these are very real issues. So I encourage every family caregiver to approach this as a job, and they need to sit down and write down what they will and will not do because so many say, I will take care of you at home till you die.

And that's a promise they can't keep because they don't know what the future brings. And that's tough.

Dot: it's really tough. And the burden is really on, the next generation. So yes, and primarily women. the daughters and daughters-in-law. Not that there aren't some great wonderful sons out there.

I've worked with them too, but it, they're giving up their careers, they're juggling raising children and helping mom and dad and the more that mom and dad can do to secure their safety and independence. Yes. Using today's technology and innovations, things are, things that are designed for older folks are designed to be simple.

They might have a whole lot of nifty things built into 'em. You don't have to know how to do that. there's just certain buttons to push or a voice activated thing, to keep it simple, because if it wasn't simple, I'd have nothing to do with it. I'm not a techie, I'm, I'm not at all. So I really do, love that you're talking to families that way, because what happens is someone, and you see it, you see the reports now that it changes a trajectory for.

Families with their income, and then later when they're older, yes, their social security because they opted out of their career at the height of it. I did that to take care of my mom. I really had no idea what I was walking into.

Diane: I did the same thing with my dad and I and I understand, and that's why I really think people, family, caregivers, especially women, and what's really sad is the extended family or uninvolved siblings will say, it that, it's, especially if they're not married, they're the.

The, spinster sister, or whatever. I hate that word, but, they've never been married. They've had a great career or they've had a good career and they're still at the height of it they expect them to take. And it's a cultural thing too, on so many cultures. nobody's taken care of that.

Family caregiver, that person that's providing the care and they, they're not giving, that's why I say you get a contract in place where they have to cover, help, cover your days off. 'cause you deserve days off just like a job and vacation times. And you, and if they can't physically do it, then they should be able to do it financially in some shape or form because to pay for help to come in so that.

You can have a decent life as well because 63% of family caregivers become seriously ill or die before the person they're caring for, and that is going to go up a hundred percent. I fear. With all the changes in me Medicare reimbursement because most people are not medically, have no medical knowledge about how to provide care and what's expected or what's good or what's bad, and they're thrown into these situations that, were once provided by professional he caregivers.

and it's really sad. So

Dot: a lot is expected of caregivers and back in the old days when multiple generations all lived together in, in our communities were connected, we weren't all scattered. things were different. Yes. I also think, I had nurses were getting back to nurses.

Again, they were my heroes when I was caring for my mom and my dad. But my long-term care was with my mom. I, when one of them said, wouldn't you like to be her daughter and not her caregiver? It's huh? What? Yeah. What a concept. What a concept. Yes. And that we forget that because, it's my job.

It's what I'm supposed to do. I see it with spouses too. I see. Oh, as wives killing themselves, right? As the primary caregiver. Yeah. And then all you are is the task master. There's no joy in it. You might feel like I, I'm a great daughter. I'm really living up to that title. But when do you get to just be with mom?

When do you get to just be with dad? Have a laugh. do something together. Just sit and watch a favorite program or whatever. versus. Okay mom, we gotta do this. Okay. And now we gotta do that. And now it's this and it's that. So what if something like Addison can do some of the tasks and if there is a paid caregiver in the home or even a family member with very little skill, they can interact with Addison because there's gonna be a reminder coming on for.

Or taking a vitals or let's do a puzzle together, grandma, something.

Diane: I can see young children even having a good time with Addison, with grandma and grandpa. Yeah,

Dot: exactly. So the idea being that, if there's some tasks that can be not quite automated, but somewhat automated or, depending on a person's cognitive abilities, it leaves a little bit more time for some joy or some just downtime.

Of for the family caregiver,

Diane: and even for the important memories. Yeah. You wanna still, you wanna have a human connection and not be the, you don't wanna always parent your parent. Yeah. and it's really hard. It's a fine line. So I really love this concept. so how can listeners learn more dot and, or see a demo or connect with you if they're interested in making Addison part of their, care plan?

Dot: Oh, absolutely. They can reach out to me. I have a website. I've got some pictures up and a little bit of information and, info about me. So if they go for to dot for senior safety.com, that's D-O-T-F-O-R, senior safety.com. They.

Text, email, whatever. My phone number is (916) 799-1660. That's 9 1 6 7 9 9 16 60, and I'm always happy to be a resource and guide people.

Diane: I will put all that information on the show notes as well as on the permanent page we create so that we will have, people able to reach out to you at any time.

To my family, caregivers out there, you are the most important part of the caregiving equation. Without you, it all falls apart, so please learn to be gentle with yourself. Practice self-care every day because you are worth it.