Taking Care or Her WWII POW Father Causes Caregiver Stress and Burden
Net from Texas writes in about her caregiver role strain and her frustration dealing with a father that was a Japanese POW during WW2.
Why does my aging father want me to give him financial, medical, veterinarian, computer repair, and all other kind of advice I am not qualified to give?
When I give him advice on things I have no knowledge, he argues with me.It is always a lose/ lose situation. It is very discouraging to me, and has gotten to the point where I hate to get into any meaningful conversation with him. I understand the that my caregiver role strain s the relationship.
By saying 'I don't know' all the time makes me feel stupid.
How can I talk to him without having all these emotional I'll feelings?
Dad is 88 years old, a World War ll Vet and a Japanese POW survivor.
I am the second daughter of four children and his primary care taker.
He lives behind us and is pretty self sufficient right now, but time is creeping up on him.
He has no friends to speak of. Mom passed away 11 years ago. He has been here 3 yrs since he was getting sicker and needed more help and needed to be closer to family.
Dad is well off, but chooses to live as poorly as he can get by with. His legacy is to leave his wealth to us kids. He could live very comfortably if he wanted.
What am I missing?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First let me tell you I understand your frustration. You are one of 4 children and feel alone. This is not uncommon.
Let me start by answering your questions about your dad's interaction with you.
Your dad can ask questions, because he may need to have someone to talk to and does not know how to communicate any other way. So he asks questions that you have no clue how to answer.
Now, with that said, how you respond or how you feel when you respond is on you. If you choose to feel "stupid" that is your choice.
You may consider looking at this from a different point of view. Your dad is lonely, he wants interaction. Is it in his nature to be negative and confrontational? Is it his nature to argue and complain?
Did he interact with your mother like this? Then you must accept that this is the way that he is and will continue to be this way.
Now, if this is new behavior, it may be a sign of the beginning of dementia. Then you need to have him have a comprehensive work up for dementia.
As far as your dad's "legacy", well that is the goal of almost every parent. The problem with that goal is that so many are outliving their finances.
That is why I strongly encourage that families sit down and discuss what is Estate Planning and planning in advance.
You, as the only family caregiver may want to investigate a family caregiver contract.
Thank you for you questions. Please keep me updated as to what is going on with your dad.
Diane Carbo RN
More Tips to Relieving Caregiver Role Strain
Understanding Caregiver Role Strain
Caregiving, while fulfilling, often comes with its own set of challenges, including role strain, stress, and burnout. Net's experience with her father, a WWII veteran and former POW, highlights these complexities.
The Complexity of Caregiving Responsibilities
Caregivers often find themselves juggling multiple responsibilities. Net's story, involving financial, medical, and technical advice, illustrates the diverse demands placed on caregivers, leading to role strain and stress.
Dealing with Caregiver Stress and Burnout
The continuous pressure and high expectations can lead to caregiver stress and burnout. Recognizing these signs is crucial for maintaining both the caregiver's and the recipient's well-being.
Understanding Caregiver Guilt and Fatigue
Feelings of guilt and fatigue are common among caregivers. It's important to acknowledge these feelings and seek support to manage them effectively.
Communicating Effectively with Care Recipients
Effective communication can mitigate misunderstandings and reduce emotional strain. Strategies like setting boundaries and seeking professional advice can be helpful.
Coping with the Challenges of Aging Parents
Caring for aging parents, especially those with complex histories like being a POW, requires patience and understanding. Recognizing the unique challenges they face is key to providing compassionate care.
Financial and Estate Planning in Caregiving
Discussing financial and estate planning can alleviate some of the stress associated with caregiving. This involves open discussions and possibly setting up a family caregiver contract.
Seeking Support and Resources
Utilizing available resources, including support groups and professional counseling, can provide much-needed relief and guidance for caregivers.
Embracing the Caregiving Journey
Despite its challenges, caregiving can be a rewarding experience. Understanding and managing the stresses and strains it brings is crucial for maintaining a healthy caregiver-recipient relationship.
Our Resource section can help you find the information and tools that you need. We have courses, videos, checklists, guidebooks, cheat sheets, how-to guides and more.
You can get started by clicking on the link below. We know that taking care of a loved one is hard work, but with our help you can get the support that you need.
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