This is a story of elder abuse going on …
My name is Brenda, my mom is Jo Ann. she is 77 and lives in
California.-Bakersfield . She has Demential/Alzheimer’s. She is abused in many ways and Ive spent the last 4 yrs trying to get her help, trying to get her to away form the abuser away from her.
My heart has been broken.my trust in the system is gone. My own life has taken a back seat..I spend countless hours on the phone, on the internet. Searching for the answer. Searching for help.
My home family consists of my self, my 24 yrs old daughter and my 17 yr old son who is on the spectrum . He is also a wish kid. For those unfamiliar with
that he was granted a wish thru Make- A -Wish. He has a serious heart
condition. He will need his aortic valves replaced at some point. He is high
functioning and full of life-his infectious laugh and happiness often makes my
The abuse my mother is suffering at the hands of my brother is horrible. He
gets and uses for his own needs most of her money- he use to get all of it but 2
yrs ago I was able to get it thru a payee service. They at least pay her bills
before they give it to him. He uses those funds for tobacco, drugs and alcohol.
He receives food stamps and uses them for what food does get into that house.
My mother generally is served cereal. And on the days he gets the money for pizza delivery.
I hear of people bringing food at times, recently a big bucket of chicken.
He hits her, he calls her names, he threatens her and to hurt her animals.He
tells her he's not letting her come back to my home. Her only option is a nurisng home. Which always gets her very agitated, and at times she screams at me rather than him.
I have made multiple calls to check the welfare via the police. They always tell
me she's fine. Standards are: a roof over a persons head, food in the house(any
type any amount) when they were called about the hitting he told her (I heard him via phone) that if she didn’t tell the police she ran into something they would put him in jail and then her only option would be a home.
Adult protective has been there-many times. I have called, her Drs
called, Hospice called and a neighbor has called. They always tell me there's
nothing they can do.
That she has a right to choose how to live. I always ask them but she is not able to make choices for her own well being- like making him leave, or going to her Drs apts.
Their reply is always the same- no one has deemed her incompetent.
More on Elder Abuse – No One is Listening. Please Help….
The house is filthy. Including the dog feces on the floor. He laughs about
saying hey I clean it up once a week…. last yr he told me the toilet didn’t
work and the sewage was in the house. A pipe under ground had broken also and
sewage was in the yard.
It took me MULTIPLE calls to get code to go there, and when they did he was tagged and had to get it fixed. My moms money did pay that/
I hear it still that its my fault they had less money the few months it took
to pay it off.
He cashed in her life/funeral insurance but I was able to catch
that. I have a stop payment put on the check they issued- before it even
arrived at the house. He took it anyway and deposited. How the bank accepted
it, I do not know.
But when they figured out it had a stop on it $900 had already
been taken out by him using her card. I must say she doesn’t walk well or
far.Not even to the mail box.She doesn’t go anywhere.
The money use to come via check thru the payee and he would sign it and HER friend would cash it and give to him.(some friend )
Until 2 yrs ago he made her drive and would laugh and say it was always a scary
ride. I was able to get that license taken away. He sold her car a red
convertible mustang. Of course he benefitted from that sale. There are so
many things I've heard him say and do to her via phone conversations with her,
hes always in the background and hes always telling her watch what you say to
her don’t give her ammunition. He constantly tells her I'm the enemy. He's very
good at manipulating her every thought.
Recently I did record his conversation. In California its a 2 party state
meaning the other person must give permission to be taped, he did….and I
taped. On it he admits to hitting her but he called it twicking her head and
it works because it gets her attention…..he said he still does it. He laughed
that the cops that came that time 2 yrs ago believed him and her.
She was able to call a friend who went there and took a picture. I have that picture.
she weighs 65 pounds I know some of that is persons with lung issues, burn
calories faster that others. But its still far too little to weigh.
She use to get meals on wheels but she sleeps. So he ate them said they were
pretty good so I reported that. He admitted it saying didn’t want them to go to
waste- so they stopped them. He a liar a conniver.
Just recently in the presence of her aide he told her to shut the F up, she said I wish someone would help me get you out of here he said shut up…..they screamed at each other and when it settled down I asked to speak with the woman, I asked her if it was ok what she just saw and heard. Her response sent me to the moon!
She said its ok she has dementia she wont remember! I said so just because she doesn’t remember its ok to treat her poorly.?
She said its not her job, I called her boss who basically told me the same thing. SO I then called adult protective who told me they will investigate. I they found to be true she would be fined,= fined?? not fired for not reporting it? or attempting to get her help?
He is able to explain everything away saying its the dementia rambling.
Its not. She asked me to help her get out with out him knowing. She has snuck
out when he was sleeping and brought home by neighbors and police. She told me
she feels sick to her stomach .She knows something isn’t right but doesn’t know
how to get help.
All of this just makes me sick.
Tonight she was coming to the phone when I called . He asked which cereal do you
want then I heard his say where are you going, she said the bathroom
I just leaked. He said, you're running out of clothes..I said to him didn’t you ever see a poise commercial? Aren’t you doing her laundry? he said no and she knows
how to do laundry she just doesn’t do it
She has told him countless times she wants to leave. He always convinces her that
she doesn’t-its too cold in NY he tells her. Lately she asks me to get
her. He's telling me he has had enough-until 2 days ago that is.
He said hey its warm now I will stay until she croaks. He also said
to her , will you hurry up and croak so I can get out a here. I can only imagine
what goes on that I don’t hear. He is sometimes careful of what he says.
Once drunk a lot slips out and he doesn’t care.
I'm sure that I've left out many things. It's hard to write this. It makes tears
flow. I feel helpless…..I feel I'm racing time to try to get her here.
I don’t have the money to get a ticket- a refundable one because if its the cheap non refundable and for any reason she's not on it-likely caused by his..its lost.
Have you had an experience like this? Do you have an advice for Brenda?
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