Caregiver stress

Question:

Really angry at the unfair treatment I'm receiving from my parent with dementia. All I do is work and come home to more work. Just getting off from 1.5 week long illness, not feeling entirely well and been in an anger crisis for 4 hours. Can't do this anymore and don't want to.

-Marisa

Response:

Marisa, as a working caregiver, you are working 2 very hard jobs. Caring for a family member with dementia so challenging. It is a progressive disorder and over time, your mom will need more and more care. Your response to providing this level of care  is understandable. Your illness is giving you a sign that something has to change.

Caregiver burden and stress will make you seriously ill. The statistics for family givers is grim. Sixty three percent of family caregivers become seriously ill or die before the person they are caring for passes.

So how do you know when you can no longer manage the daily caregiving routines?  You have to ask yourself some tough questions.

Unfortunately, most caregivers do not question how this issue until they are feeling overwhelmed and depleted. From your post, I think that you are there.

Telling me, “ I can no longer continue to provide care in this way,” is the first step that can save you from emotional and physical burnout. It also opens up opportunities of sharing your caregiving responsibilities with others.

Saying “No” may seem like a harsh. You want to be perceived as being a helpful, kind and loving person.

Just because you want to take a step back form your caregiving duties does not imply that you are abandoning your parent.

Your post tells me you feel tired, sick and trapped. You have tried so hard for so long. Your anger my stem from feeling as if you have failed.

Your post was a cry for help or for support. You are neglecting your own health, your own needs. You are at the point where you have no more to give.

This post tells me things need to change, for your health and emotional well-being.

The next step you should consider is putting boundaries in place.  Let me explain. I do not know what your situation is. I don’t know if there are siblings or other family members that can step up and help. If they are not able to provide help physically, they should be expected to help pay for outside help.

You are experiencing caregiver stress and burnout. Caregiver burden is real.

I have included this to give you some ideas for self care. The most important thing you can do is to ask for help.

The next recommendation I want to make is to explore resources that may help you pay for respite care or in home care.  Your health must and should be a priority. Please do not become a caregiver statistic. Make the necessary changes that are in your best interest. Your life depends on it.

-Diane Carbo, RN