Caregiver Role Strain

Taking Care or Her WWII POW Father Causes Caregiver Stress and Burden

Net from Texas writes in about her caregiver role strain and her frustration dealing with a father that was a Japanese POW during WW2.

Net asks,

Why does my aging father want me to give him financial, medical, veterinarian, computer repair, and all other kind of advice I am not qualified to give?

When I give him advice on things I have no knowledge, he argues with me.It is always a lose/ lose situation. It is very discouraging to me, and has gotten to the point where I hate to get into any meaningful conversation with him. I understand the that my caregiver role strain s the relationship.

By saying 'I don't know' all the time makes me feel stupid.

How can I talk to him without having all these emotional I'll feelings?

Dad is 88 years old, a World War ll Vet and a Japanese POW survivor.

I am the second daughter of four children and his primary care taker.

He lives behind us and is pretty self sufficient right now, but time is creeping up on him.

He has no friends to speak of. Mom passed away 11 years ago. He has been here 3 yrs since he was getting sicker and needed more help and needed to be closer to family.

Dad is well off, but chooses to live as poorly as he can get by with. His legacy is to leave his wealth to us kids. He could live very comfortably if he wanted.

What am I missing?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Net,

First let me tell you I understand your frustration. You are one of 4 children and feel alone. This is not uncommon.

Let me start by answering your questions about your dad's interaction with you.

Your dad can ask questions, because he may need to have someone to talk to and does not know how to communicate any other way. So he asks questions that you have no clue how to answer.

Now, with that said, how you respond or how you feel when you respond is on you. If you choose to feel "stupid" that is your choice.

You may consider looking at this from a different point of view. Your dad is lonely, he wants interaction. Is it in his nature to be negative and confrontational? Is it his nature to argue and complain?

Did he interact with your mother like this? Then you must accept that this is the way that he is and will continue to be this way.

Now, if this is new behavior, it may be a sign of the beginning of dementia. Then you need to have him have a comprehensive work up for dementia.

As far as your dad's "legacy", well that is the goal of almost every parent. The problem with that goal is that so many are outliving their finances.

That is why I strongly encourage that families sit down and discuss what is Estate Planning and planning in advance.

You, as the only family caregiver may want to investigate a family caregiver contract.

Thank you for you questions. Please keep me updated as to what is going on with your dad.

Diane Carbo RN

More Tips to Relieving Caregiver Role Strain

CareGiver role strain  can take a significant toll, leading to caregiver stress and burden. It is important for caregivers to practice self care in order to prevent burnout and ensure they are able to continue taking care of the person they love. Self-care includes activities that help you relax, such as yoga, reading, or getting enough sleep. Additionally, it’s important to keep up with regular medical check-ups and follow-up appointments. It is also helpful to stay connected with family and friends, join a support group, or seek out counseling if needed. Taking care of oneself can make all the difference in being able to continue providing quality care for your loved one.   Don’t forget to make time for yourself!  A little effort can go a long way in maintaining balance and keeping caregiver role strain at bay.

It is also beneficial to keep in mind that you are not alone in this journey – there are resources available to help with managing the stress associated with caregiving. Reach out to your local Area Agency on Aging for assistance in finding services and resources for caregivers.  With the right support, you can manage the stress of caregiver role strain and continue providing quality care for your loved one.